Health: Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering...

By anonymous - 20/08/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 9 923

Health

Stop talking!

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head

Pee is stored in the balls

By Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 563

You deserved it 9 706

By zuzu - 01/05/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 600

By shygirl - 20/05/2012 13:13 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 198

You deserved it 10 131

Capitalism kills

By malicemassacre - 21/03/2020 15:00

Today, the county I live in is quarantined. My boss announced that, "We keep working until the government says they will shoot us if we leave the house.” We work in a call center. Not essential at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 214

By helprelou - 29/06/2016 22:12 - France - La Chevroli?re

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 336

You deserved it 1 017

Tough Love

By Ugly - 08/03/2017 04:00 - Netherlands

Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 022

You deserved it 477

By OhCanada - 22/07/2019 20:00

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 261

By cole66 - 29/11/2015 18:43 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 413

You deserved it 3 136

By Ophelia - 22/11/2012 05:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 345

You deserved it 4 103

Sinning is winning

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 18:01

Today, I came home early from work and walked in on my husband in bed with his two young female "bible study students" from his church. Now I remember why he explicitly said to never interrupt his, "Sunday School Studies" with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 93

By Tireddddddd - 31/07/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 491

You deserved it 3 419

By keenan - 19/09/2010 23:55 - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 971

You deserved it 5 181

By Anonymous - 18/11/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 784

You deserved it 4 569

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 020

You deserved it 5 852

Functioning

By Violet - 19/04/2011 09:50 - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 229

You deserved it 3 378

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 17:02 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 1 921

By cootiequeen - 01/06/2014 04:13 - United States

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 503

You deserved it 4 578

By WhatdyaDo - 16/03/2009 09:55 - Canada

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 886

You deserved it 69 182

By Anonymous - 15/07/2013 06:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 414

You deserved it 3 927

By loser - 20/07/2009 22:39 - Canada

Today, I was testing out my new webcam on an msn Video Call with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In an attempt to look cool, I pretended to have a very interesting phone conversation. Later I found out my webcam has a mic. She "heard" the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 367

You deserved it 69 233

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 960

You deserved it 4 455

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 625

You deserved it 2 233

By Grandson - 07/11/2013 05:52 - United States - Ontario

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 306

You deserved it 4 583

By Lydlsis - 30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 683

You deserved it 4 596

By cplaner - 04/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 679

You deserved it 5 181

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 2 903

Leave us alone!

By J.. - 27/04/2021 17:01

Today, I've been receiving a lot of calls from my telephone company, offering combo packages with internet, Netflix, Disney+ and whatever the fuck. We had previously resigned from their services, because the company never had the intention of fixing an outage that was caused BY THE SAME COMPANY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 54

By ozozl - 07/11/2014 04:29 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 910

You deserved it 3 837

By failingyetagain - 20/07/2015 22:17 - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 272

You deserved it 4 497

By hadtocleanthemess - 28/06/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 4 182

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 22:12 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 3 011

By anonymous - 10/01/2010 05:55 - United States

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 836

You deserved it 3 313

By Gilly - 19/05/2017 18:00

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 813

You deserved it 526

By arghhh - 03/08/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 684

You deserved it 5 664

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 885

You deserved it 6 080

By fiftyno - 01/10/2012 15:02 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 780

You deserved it 4 106

Encourage your kids, damn asshats!

By The bassist - 17/05/2021 04:01

Today, months after buying my first bass guitar and taking bass lessons using my own money, I realized that my parents refused to buy me an instrument, claiming that I sucked at it. What actually happened is that they didn't feel like paying for some "teenage bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 16:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 2 267

By Nicole557 - 03/11/2011 10:56 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 463

You deserved it 10 474

By alealovespurple - 16/08/2009 20:04 - Canada

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 775

You deserved it 17 188

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Top comments

triplebeerox 27

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Well, can't you return the one you have and exchange it for a different, bigger one?

chanelvander 7

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Super glue it, haha! But seriously, maybe you should talk to someone about how to manage this; I understand it's a serious issue and you want to feel as safe and comfortable as possible while operating a motor vehicle.

stepymac 15

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:07

Return it and get ur money back

Zynris 10

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 13:22

One of the reasons I love FML is because of how everyone who does not have proper grammar is shunned.

slooby_fml 25

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 14:50

"One of the reasons...is because" is redundant. It should be "one of the reasons...is that." Would it kill you to not be so redundant?

Infamous_Tora 12

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 18:25

Just a little too much, #42..

lwonderful 11

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 18:55

Yeah calm down #42

Alihb 16

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Wednesday 21 August 2013 1:13

#1 I find your picture very offensive, make the Sakura put the Hinata down

Poppipuff 14

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Wednesday 21 August 2013 4:34

42- Can't you say "The reason why I told you that is because you deserved it" for example? It doesn't sound redundant to me.

Pinkgal123 24

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Wednesday 21 August 2013 5:32

Okay, too far 42

triplebeerox 27

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Well, can't you return the one you have and exchange it for a different, bigger one?

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:34

Aww, the sexual innuendo.

aintlifeapain 21

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 14:23

^ U need wipers for your mind.

Pinkgal123 24

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Wednesday 21 August 2013 5:34

Oh god, that's doesn't sound like what you think it does.

chanelvander 7

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Bevspeaks 11

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:13

Put duct tape on the steering wheel, that's what my cousin did.

ohcheriecherie 20

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Friday 23 August 2013 2:54

OP would probably pick at that too. duct tape is really annoying.

gracehi 31

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:14

Looks like you're doomed to have a shitty looking steering wheel.

Wizardo 33

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:19

Readjust it or get a total cover so you stop the picking...

aintlifeapain 21

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:24

Should have been more "picky" while buying it. Now you will not get bored in traffic jams.

Kalipczo 21

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:27

Maybe return/exchange that one and get a different cover that fits better. You could see a psychyatrist or something to get help with your OCD, any distraction can be dangerous while you're driving.

ck256 4

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 13:19

Agree on that one

Kalipczo 21

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 15:48

That's what the thumbs up button is for my friend

retrorewind 13

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:28

kick that OCD into overdrive and redo it.

Laxoxo224 8

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:30

No offense, but stop being OCD like seriously.

completerubbish 17

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Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:36

That's like telling someone to suppress his/her strong emotions... you can't change the way someone feels, so you can't change OCD, either. He probably wouldn't have OCD if he could help it.