Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering...

By anonymous - 20/8/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

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Health

Rock, hard place

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Basic Instinct

By ZPyRoGoDz - 30/10/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

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By authentic - 18/2/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

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By leonieNL - 12/8/2010 14:50 - Netherlands

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

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By forgotten - 21/9/2010 22:16 - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

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By bigvic780 - 27/10/2017 01:30

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 04:38 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

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By ugly - 10/7/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

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By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

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By Uglyshirts - 9/4/2009 08:44 - South Africa

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

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By kittybad - 23/6/2013 05:05 - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

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By areyouserious - 17/11/2014 03:46 - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

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By ellie - 23/2/2011 07:10 - Australia

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 08:08

Forever alone

Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML

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By notevencatnipworks - 27/8/2018 13:00

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML

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By asthmasucks - 19/9/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

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By mattlikesfunions - 18/7/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

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By soupduped - 6/12/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

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By ruserious - 7/8/2015 11:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

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By MissAnonymous93 - 14/5/2016 15:32 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

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By Joe - 1/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2011 23:35 - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 11:04 - India

Today, I left my brand new iPhone on the counter, and went to get its cleaning cloth. My grandmother saw a mosquito, and used my iPhone as a fly swatter. I now have a broken iPhone. Good news though: no more mosquito. FML

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By still broke and jobless - 17/9/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

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By 16Charlie5 - 19/5/2018 15:00

Curious...

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 19:13 - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 15:46

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

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By please stay on the line - 7/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

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By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

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By foreveralone - 1/12/2014 14:37 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

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By kayak probs - 30/7/2013 14:13 - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

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By laury - 9/5/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

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By krfenton8 - 11/1/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

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By NaniNarcotic - 16/8/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

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By RIP - 21/1/2017 12:00

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

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By Paramedic - 17/11/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

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Top comments

By triplebeerox | 27

#5635618 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Well, can't you return the one you have and exchange it for a different, bigger one?

By chanelvander | 7

#5635620 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Super glue it, haha! But seriously, maybe you should talk to someone about how to manage this; I understand it's a serious issue and you want to feel as safe and comfortable as possible while operating a motor vehicle.

COMMENTS

By stepymac | 15

#5635616 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:07

Return it and get ur money back

Zynris | 10

#5635669 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 13:22

One of the reasons I love FML is because of how everyone who does not have proper grammar is shunned.

slooby_fml | 25

#5635744 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 14:50

"One of the reasons...is because" is redundant. It should be "one of the reasons...is that." Would it kill you to not be so redundant?

Infamous_Tora | 12

#5635986 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 18:25

Just a little too much, #42..

lwonderful | 11

#5636010 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 18:55

Yeah calm down #42

Alihb | 16

#5636574 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 1:13

#1 I find your picture very offensive, make the Sakura put the Hinata down

Poppipuff | 14

#5636735 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 4:34

42- Can't you say "The reason why I told you that is because you deserved it" for example? It doesn't sound redundant to me.

Pinkgal123 | 24

#5636798 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 5:32

Okay, too far 42

By triplebeerox | 27

#5635618 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

Well, can't you return the one you have and exchange it for a different, bigger one?

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5635642 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:34

Aww, the sexual innuendo.

aintlifeapain | 21

#5635725 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 14:23

^ U need wipers for your mind.

Pinkgal123 | 24

#5636800 - Wednesday 21 August 2013 5:34

Oh god, that's doesn't sound like what you think it does.

By chanelvander | 7

#5635620 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:08

By Bevspeaks | 11

#5635625 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:13

Put duct tape on the steering wheel, that's what my cousin did.

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5639374 - Friday 23 August 2013 2:54

OP would probably pick at that too. duct tape is really annoying.

By gracehi | 31

#5635629 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:14

Looks like you're doomed to have a shitty looking steering wheel.

By Wizardo | 33

#5635633 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:19

Readjust it or get a total cover so you stop the picking...

By aintlifeapain | 21

#5635634 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:24

Should have been more "picky" while buying it. Now you will not get bored in traffic jams.

By Kalipczo | 21

#5635635 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:27

Maybe return/exchange that one and get a different cover that fits better.
You could see a psychyatrist or something to get help with your OCD, any distraction can be dangerous while you're driving.

ck256 | 4

#5635667 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 13:19

Agree on that one

Kalipczo | 21

#5635782 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 15:48

That's what the thumbs up button is for my friend

By retrorewind | 13

#5635637 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:28

kick that OCD into overdrive and redo it.

By Laxoxo224 | 8

#5635639 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:30

No offense, but stop being OCD like seriously.

completerubbish | 17

#5635645 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 12:36

That's like telling someone to suppress his/her strong emotions... you can't change the way someone feels, so you can't change OCD, either. He probably wouldn't have OCD if he could help it.