Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
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Top comments
williamcarter93 13
Poor OP. Sorry your wife had to die so relatively early.
Larawk 8
Tweet his number. I'm sure you could get a bunch of kids to prank call him. Revenge is sweet
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Comments (135)
coughyochick 7
He thought his fiancé slept with someone else. It's a normal reaction to be pissed off like that.
Goddess_Rummy 13
Yes but it is not normal to disrespect the man's dead wife.
DocBastard 40
You consider this normal?? Threatening to kill someone and insulting a stranger's late wife? I'd hate to see what you do when you get REALLY mad.
MrSassypants 34
For some weird reason, coughyochick does things that normal people do when they're not angry. You should see how angrily couchyochick eats cereal.
afropuffjake 9
Well **** guys if you were convinced you had the number of the person sleeping with your fiancé would you actually take the time to make sure the person picking up the phone was indeed THAT person?
LolFMLnot 10
Wow some people are just crazy
pokefan813 16
You see that alot in this site.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That guy sounds like he needs a rabid chipmunk to the nuts. Call me at 1-800 NO NUTS There will be a fee of two bags of sunflower seeds and a nudie magazine.
QQMorePlox 18
Call him back and tell that punk you slammed his wife good!
saIty 17
*69 that fool and give him a piece of your mind.
olpally 33
Don't worry op, chuck Norris will knock this asshat out for you.
kjklopu 1
Asshat? A hat for the ass or an ass for a hat?
olpally 33
Both will suffice.
FuzzyJack 15
That is a perfect example of a first class asshole. I am sorry for your loss, OP.
BlasianGirl 2
You almost have to feel sorry for the caller too, he must mortified that his pathetic attempt at a death threat completly failed.
IntoTheClouds 42
I feel no sympathy for that ******.
BlasianGirl 2
*insert heavy dripping sarcasm here*
jenniiienyc 5
Holy hell, what an inconsiderate dickwad. I'm sure your wife was a lovely lady. FYL, OP. I'm sorry for your loss. It sucks when idiots can't admit that they may have been wrong about something.
gantoman 13
Dickwad... And assshat.... And yesterday asscricket.... FML is a school of insults
perdix 31
Was he wrong?
MidnaLink 35
Not cool dude...!
perdix 31
#40, Seeking the truth is often uncool.
windycityassasin 6
I'm not really sure, he should not have insulted op's late wife but can any of us control ourselves when we're that angry.