Health: Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street,...

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 22:50 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 942

You deserved it 1 934

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By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 805

You deserved it 1 561

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 02:58 - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 6 932

By smashyonewfloors - 31/08/2013 04:44 - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 2 825

Scribble your name across my heart…

By Jennie - 16/06/2020 08:08

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 312

By anonymous - 08/01/2013 00:21 - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 246

You deserved it 51 539

By Caitlin - 10/06/2010 00:46 - United States

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 280

You deserved it 45 680

By honey, no boo-boo - 12/11/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 964

You deserved it 5 538

By notcountry! - 27/06/2019 02:30

Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 151

By WamBamSam - 21/11/2012 09:54 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 986

You deserved it 2 332

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 326

You deserved it 31 475

By StinkyandStupid - 15/03/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 637

You deserved it 38 027

By T-Pain - 22/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 306

You deserved it 7 078

By WhyThankYou - 26/07/2013 05:31 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 128

You deserved it 16 104

Mansplaning #2764

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I got mansplained for trying to help a guy secure a machine to a trailer. Not only did he bring the wrong trailer, he tried to ratchet it onto the axle. I load and unload trailers at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 108

By bowhuntpa - 16/07/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 005

You deserved it 4 081

By CROCKIN5150 - 14/03/2016 04:32 - United States

Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 726

You deserved it 2 294

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 07:25 - United States - Springfield

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 3 825

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 19:59

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 68

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 960

You deserved it 11 884

By datingfail - 14/08/2016 12:06 - Australia - Northcote

Today, I went on a date with a guy who told me his main aim in life is to live alone in an isolated lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 757

You deserved it 1 112

By melikeyturtles - 02/11/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 201

You deserved it 8 367

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 515

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 8 679

By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - 12/01/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 118

You deserved it 3 184

By familyofpsychos - 26/10/2012 04:38 - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 2 333

By Garry - 04/03/2010 12:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half a block of cheese carving cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 914

You deserved it 5 723

By thanksbro - 28/09/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 772

You deserved it 20 524

By veggiegal - 13/02/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 367

You deserved it 7 850

By Bad Mother - 08/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 1 886

Sorry sweaty, my brain is melting

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 22:01

Today, while intoxicated, I accidentally called my girlfriend by female roommate's name. Panicked, I tried to correct myself and said my female best friend's name. My relationship with both is 100% platonic, but as a last ditch effort, completely frazzled, I said my cat's name. Now she won't stop calling me by her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 1 209

By cargaljen - 17/05/2014 21:34 - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 863

You deserved it 22 028

By Bassackward - 25/08/2016 05:53

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 848

You deserved it 1 270

By Hello Nurse - 24/09/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 286

You deserved it 1 757

By superhero1043 - 14/05/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 527

You deserved it 5 212

Very bad idea

By Yoir mom - 16/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 489

Mixup

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to Doordash lunch, due to an important work meeting in another timezone running incredibly long. I was trying to play it cool but I was starving. Finally, I get the notification that the food had been dropped off. I looked at the picture: it was delivered to my house instead of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 366

By Limalia - 24/01/2011 21:00 - Switzerland

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 222

You deserved it 10 542

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 08:23 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 236

You deserved it 10 828

By tmac05 - 13/11/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 770

You deserved it 2 992

By f_n_fail - 06/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 122

You deserved it 700

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Top comments

toowie_fml 20

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Saturday 4 August 2012 5:59

Bitches be crazy..

kidepicfest 0

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:05

Well since you've already been beat up, might as well find the husband and sleep with him.

Lexi_princess 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 5:58

Wow that's something you don't see everyday only in movies I see that. Just wow

toowie_fml 20

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Saturday 4 August 2012 5:59

Bitches be crazy..

reallytho3 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:48

Hoes gone be hoes

hahasooo 2

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:59

Agreed with both comments.

slurshies 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 7:07

craaaazy bitch O.o

dressedskeleton 10

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Saturday 4 August 2012 7:14

Slightly besides the point, but I've never really understood people who take out their anger with the person their partner cheated on them with, instead of their partner..

lelo007 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 8:06

#35, if the "other person" knows of the relationship they are wrecking, I find it completely understandable to be angry at the "helper." But when they are unaware the adulterer is in a relationship, then I agree, the anger should not be taken out on them.

camillewhite1 12

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Saturday 4 August 2012 8:18

#FOSHO

hemz_fml 13

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Saturday 4 August 2012 8:30

WOODY!

Bossmaster 0

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Saturday 4 August 2012 11:32

hey message me at [email protected]

iHeartRKO 5

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Saturday 4 August 2012 11:48

44- well that will get you nowhere, especially if they both deny. She could say she never knew but in reality she did. Which in that case if you have suspicions and you don't like the girl I'd beat her ass. Op obviously didn't deserve it

datsloblede 2

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Sunday 5 August 2012 2:02

62- your icon is fucking creepy

LolFMLnot 10

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Sunday 5 August 2012 6:13

She should be beating up her husband , because at the end of the day he decided to put that dick in. Doesn't matter if the girl he cheated with was a slut or had no idea

ahti546 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 5:59

Doesnt matter had se- oh wait...

MURIKKA 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:17

Idk why OP says she's still a virgin, because it seems like she got screwed over pretty badly...

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 4 August 2012 14:43

Yeah, true... she got fucked in public.

cactasaurus 7

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:02

You should have beat the crap out of her, too. Don't take her shit, OP.

oicu812xD 16

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:08

I'm sure op would have fought back if she could

Lexi_princess 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:30

I don't believe violence is a solution but in this case it's self defense so I agree

saintsrocksocks 10

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:35

This is Mexico. For all you know OP's assaulter could of been a masked wrestler.

Lexi_princess 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:43

I could just imagine a Mexican woman in her accent say "you sleep with my husband!"

msmalla 1

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Saturday 4 August 2012 8:59

Ur hot

KrazieKleo 13

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Saturday 4 August 2012 10:00

28- LOL thanks for the laugh at ops misery.

Bossmaster 0

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Saturday 4 August 2012 11:29

hey

iHeartRKO 5

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Saturday 4 August 2012 11:53

Nachoooo libre

itsharkley 8

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Saturday 4 August 2012 14:25

"Walk away from the fight" Dumb... Fights are consensual. This was battery or assault. If a person charges at you without warning, and beat you to pulp... How the hell is walking away an option.

AntonioE 0

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Saturday 18 August 2012 17:22

Hey :)

gman90210 18

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Tuesday 4 December 2012 11:10

No your not

kidepicfest 0

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:05

Well since you've already been beat up, might as well find the husband and sleep with him.

Lexi_princess 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:08

Why would she do that? So she can be beaten up again? That's such a bright idea!

kidepicfest 0

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:10

It's called sarcasm, Duh.

Lexi_princess 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:12

Why do sarcasm it just makes comment stupid

Shrike 23

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:20

Oh I TOTALLY agree, Lexi. Sarcasm completely RUINS every comment around it. Except yours. Yours are awesome, like unbelievably awesome, I'm so jealous.

Lexi_princess 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:21

Awwww thank you pervert on FML

Sliver1991 26

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Saturday 4 August 2012 7:41

She might get beaten up again then.

momolee 4

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Saturday 4 August 2012 8:02

Lose your virginity to a random guy since you've been already beaten up.

Hollywoodgirl79 18

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:07

That's good to say you're still a virgin (although I don't know your age). So many girls lose it before they get out of middle school. Sadly, this is my generation. I would have owned up to it anyway. Piss that bitch off even more. She beat you up even when you didn't do it.

S182 15

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Saturday 4 August 2012 13:47

There is nothing wrong with not being a virgin... Having sex isn't bad, having sex irresponsibly is.. IE no protection or birth control.

S182 15

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Saturday 4 August 2012 13:49

There is nothing wrong with not being a virgin... Having sex isn't bad, having sex irresponsibly is.. IE no protection or birth control.

Palirose 22

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Saturday 4 August 2012 14:55

Well, I'm 20 and I will be 21 this year and I am still one, partially from religious choice and partially from personal. It's amazing on how many guys don't stick around long when you want to wait for after marriage. x)

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Saturday 4 August 2012 16:29

Excuse me 6, but why is my baby picture your profile pic?

Hollywoodgirl79 18

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Saturday 4 August 2012 16:49

77- You were just the cutest baby. I had to use it.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Saturday 4 August 2012 17:56

._. Mom? (>^~^)> They said you wouldn't come back! Chipmunks only take care of their young for a week, they said!

iwasforced 3

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:08

Were you dressed in a questionable manner? Also, I do hope the you got to a place for help to press charges and to clean yourself up.

dominic1221 6

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:09

Oh, was she "dressed in questionable manner"? Really? Fuck off with that crap.

MURIKKA 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:12

I think what 8 was trying to ask if OP was wearing her, "I banged your husband" shirt... If that's the case then she was clearly asking for trouble.

MURIKKA 11

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:32

*was if

kishuu_fml 1

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Saturday 4 August 2012 6:09

Fight back, stand up for yourself!

subwaysurfers 13

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Saturday 4 August 2012 8:24

I mean I wouldn't know but I can only imagine how angry/upset that woman was so that her fighting skills boosted up to a black belt ninja's and the OP was probably helpless even if she tried.