Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to...

By Username - 4/12/2010 21:04 - United States

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

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Money

Social distancing gone wrong

Mr Sensitivity

Spooky

By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

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By damnitsam - 6/8/2017 20:00

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 20:08

Long story short

Today, after I'd been on and off with this girl for 6 years, I finally proposed in October 2018 and she'd said yes. A year later we got a house. By March, she is seeing another girl. And now, we still live together. FML

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By no luck - 30/9/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2014 19:50 - United States - Powell

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

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By lils - 5/8/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2014 15:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 19:35 - United States

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

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By purplepixie23 - 22/9/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

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By ShowerGirl - 30/4/2013 07:54 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

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By Distressed - 11/2/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

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By lyla - 20/3/2012 19:15 - United States

Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML

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By brokenatthebar - 24/3/2017 09:00 - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

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By Noname - 30/10/2008 05:55 - France

Today, I've just lost over £12,000 and it's not even halfway through the trading day. FML

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By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

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By d.stack - 12/8/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Park City

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2011 22:33 - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

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By Annie - 24/2/2011 06:39 - United States

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

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By backtosquareone - 4/10/2009 09:42 - Canada

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

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By Bladerunner - 1/12/2011 09:49 - United States

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

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By ohhelllllno - 20/4/2009 10:05 - Canada

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

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By Collin - 10/6/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

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By how many?! - 22/8/2019 00:01

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

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By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51 - Canada

I love that for you

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

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By Loveless - 6/5/2019 00:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

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By parkinglotslayer - 11/6/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

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By BALEIGHLOVE17 - 20/5/2011 05:46

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

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By goldie09 - 18/2/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

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By zoosmell pooplord - 2/9/2012 19:41 - Norway - Geilo

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

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By John - 30/6/2011 08:18 - United States

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

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By fububc - 5/2/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

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By seadrick - 6/6/2015 16:19 - Canada - Granville Ferry

Today, I learned that not only do wood ticks have a habit of dropping off of branches onto you as you walk under them, they also like to hang out in groups of five or six. FML

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By My rapey cat (doesn't even have balls) - 21/4/2018 01:30

Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML

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By theultimatesalonfail - 15/8/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

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By Username - 14/3/2011 06:53

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

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Top comments

By Rhegium | 0

#1794360 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:52

Maybe you should park in the right place next time? YDI.

By CodingSquirrel | 3

#1794599 - Sunday 5 December 2010 3:13

Today, I got caught parking illegally, FML.

YDI.

COMMENTS

By Immersion | 0

#1794296 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:37

facepalm :L

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1795522 - Sunday 5 December 2010 4:40

lesson learned. dont help people

charleycake | 0

#1795961 - Sunday 5 December 2010 8:12

LESBIANS!!!

EffinAhole | 0

#1797153 - Sunday 5 December 2010 13:44

^ what?

brutuka | 2

#4741786 - Friday 27 July 2012 22:42

A thousan suns?

By Fortuitous | 0

#1794304 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:39

One good deed deserves a fucking bitch slap to the cunt/penis.

Bobissmall | 13

#1794396 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:59

Parking in the right place isn't a good dead though :P

Fortuitous | 0

#1794615 - Sunday 5 December 2010 3:16

*mega facepalm* Good DEAD? What in the name of the holy Christ that never once had intercourse is a good DEAD? Motherfucking wolf balls, what has this world come to? Somebody help me!

DocBastard | 38

#1795439 - Sunday 5 December 2010 4:15

*writes Fortuitous a prescription for Xanax, Ativan, and Absolut*

11colio11 | 4

#1795657 - Sunday 5 December 2010 5:32

omg relax! a typo on the Internet! oh dear god! /sarcasm

BDTM | 0

#1795964 - Sunday 5 December 2010 8:12

#27 so you didn't want him to relax?

By Doortje | 28

#1794314 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:43

So much for good deeds huh?

By 77taylah33 | 0

#1794341 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:48

Ouch but he/she is your friend so you can have time together and you do anything for your friends

By Rhegium | 0

#1794360 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:52

Maybe you should park in the right place next time? YDI.

By skatingalyy | 0

#1794383 - Sunday 5 December 2010 1:56

wow that sucks.

By polofan15 | 0

#1794506 - Sunday 5 December 2010 2:43

make her pay u half

emilisaurus_rawr | 0

#1800707 - Monday 6 December 2010 4:46

that would make sense :3

opinionatedhuman | 13

#6499809 - Saturday 2 January 2016 20:39

No it doesn't, he got the 55 dollar ticket for not paying the 10 dollars to park, why he would get out of his car knowing that makes him an idiot

By foxre28 | 0

#1794508 - Sunday 5 December 2010 2:43

this is why you either 1. make sure the meter has enough time 2. make sure your not in a no parking zone. ydi.

By wizard_skeleton | 2

#1794540 - Sunday 5 December 2010 2:59

You know, parking restrictions are usually displayed on those things called signs. Maybe you should learn to read. Don't lie, you know you had someone else type and submit this for you.

Amelia Wood | 7

#7519995 - Thursday 3 August 2017 11:37

What a horrible comment!

By CodingSquirrel | 3

#1794599 - Sunday 5 December 2010 3:13

Today, I got caught parking illegally, FML.

YDI.