Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
beeship321 5
wow that was a smart move. Do you brush your teeth with toilet cleaner?
deputy_g 5
only time to do that is when you don't know where your penis has been..not for recreational use
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (283)
SantasRedSack 0
Were you really that desperate? Hell, it would take a lot for me to take a look at a bottle of germ-x and say "hey 80% alcohol will probably feel good on my dick."
taureanbeauty293 0
Weird how that works right :P
coltonhaskin 0
Lmao! That's Funny^^
mylifeisjank24 0
fake and gay
killakiwi 1
Cross your fingers it got burnt off, One less genius for the gene pool.
JB1aze 0
nexttime use paint thinner........dumbass!!!!!
Ur1Temptazian 0
dumbazzzz
dum_dum1 0
why are you wrestling with those two pigs?
docscientist 10
83 can sue you now for not inserting a disclaimer that you were indeed making an obvious joke.
Killah_Jay 0
Reminds me of American Pie.
jwinniman 0
totally
Chaos5 0
wow your retarded. It's also safe to run around with a knives' blade facing toward you.
Alicia17C 2
haha