Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
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Top comments
beeship321 5
wow that was a smart move. Do you brush your teeth with toilet cleaner?
deputy_g 5
only time to do that is when you don't know where your penis has been..not for recreational use
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Comments (283)
piercedpeace 0
lmmfao! yessss! hahaha
Iluv2D_fml 0
O.o
jwinniman 0
they created lotion for a reason... to yank it.... they created Gand sanitized for a reason.... to clean your hands
Farzady123_fml 0
Looks like you have tried them all since only a CERTAIN KIND,shrunk yoir doodool, try DRAINO next time ,it will make you last longer.
vegan_muffin 5
Adult diapers aren't that bad. They're actually pretty comfortable.
splarf1991 0
dude u don't have a penis but I'm pretty sure rubbing alcohol and friction in a sensitive place is bit a good thing. Dumb ass
shanbang 0
maybe u should try deep heat next time
Mistery510 6
stupid
Popatopagain 0
That's y you dry beat it , a lil bit of rug burn here then there never kills ya
karmicsamadi86 9
Why would you use hand sanitizer. It dries after 10 seconds!