Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
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Top comments
beeship321 5
wow that was a smart move. Do you brush your teeth with toilet cleaner?
deputy_g 5
only time to do that is when you don't know where your penis has been..not for recreational use
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Comments (283)
puhffft 0
How is this surprising? Hand sanitizer is mainly alcohol. Would you splash rubbing alcohol down there?
coffee_enima 0
why not?
ShadyFTW1 0
Why not? See above FML.
penflower 0
19 - win.
jbuckets_404 39
He could, so he did - lol
Decodedman 1
I tell friends to get revenge on people by switching their Ultraglide with hand sanitizer. Never thought anyone would do it to themselves.
SupermanXL 3
lol
Coldinside 12
Does Ultraglide work well? Like is it better than doing it dry?
jenaandtyler4eva 0
ydi for actually trying to do that and masturbation is the devils curse remember that
crissybear 8
that's an awesome prank...!
tap1995 6
why would you use hand sanitizer?? ydi
RedPillSucks 33
guy#1 She's a size 30 b cup I think. guy#2 Is she a natural blond? What's her number. guy#3 That toilet looks filthy, does she ever clean? One of these things is not like the others. Can you tell which one?
quin01 0
stfu RedPillSucks
Capt_Oblivious 10
Wow, aren't you just a smart one. Forego that and next time just use sandpaper. You know, since your showing a habit of using stupid ass things to pleasure yourself and all.
AlyshaDeShae 10
Wow... An adult diaper, huh? Maybe you should go back to stealing your mom's hand lotion. YDI for lack of intelligence.
AlwaysFall 0
So...at what time did hand sanitizer sound like a good idea?
cptmorgan15 2
After he injected himself with AIDS and before he put a bowl full of silverware in the microwave.
taureanbeauty293 0
Best comment!!! :)
tralalafifa 0
k, try using alcohol (isopropyl) next time, you genius.
stevenmx86 8
Well no shit weirdo...
shayzzz 0
fail