Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
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Top comments
cradle6 13
That's...incredibly bitchy
DanLikesDodge 5
It's peanut butter-jelly time!!!
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Comments (205)
catmcross 7
your wife is a bitch, you should find something she hates and do it everything you see her eating a pb&j sandwich.
KiddNYC1O 22
A divorce is in order.
TheDrummingResul 0
Your wife is a stupid ****.
Yourheadache 19
tell her thats shes kinda getting fat for all the peanut butter ;) so you dont want to have sex with her
littlecityof 3
The right kind of pb actually isn't bad for you. Just sayin
Yourheadache 19
Ooohh yeah.... Wait what??
kendraexismoore 0
You must be a badddd kissser
kendraexismoore 0
What time is it.?! Penut butta jelly,penut butta jellyi
amanda920 10
I think it's time for a new wife...just sayinnn.
hateevryone 15
that's just stupid. find someone who's not afraid to kiss you. that'll show her.
twilightluvr101 4
Sounds like such a happy marriage!
Fmlsea 28
next time she wants you to go down on her ,put peanut butter on there then walk away see how much she will like her peanut better then haha .
j_cat187 20
logic?