Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
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Top comments
cradle6 13
That's...incredibly bitchy
DanLikesDodge 5
It's peanut butter-jelly time!!!
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Comments (205)
brooks10101 1
Grow your sack back and leave her
khaya 9
What a bitch she knows you are only allergic to peanuts but eats it with jelly just to rub it in your face.
actingnut 3
I'm deadly allergic to peanuts as well. I feel ur pain
jblue22 1
if you are deathly allergic to peanut butter, then why is it even in your house?
cyril185 0
How do you know you're "deathly allergic"?
Dracoboxer357 36
Likely the same way most anyone with a deathly allergy finds out: First time accidental exposure with a very definite anaphylactic reaction. Each time you are re-exposed to that trigger, your reaction often becomes intensified, so after the first time, some people choose to carry an "Epi-pen" with them, just in case. (Hope I remembered that correctly, forgive me if I didn't.) My guess is OP had peanuts/peanut butter one time and swelled up like a puffer fish, prompting him to go get it checked out.
keiferadams 1
******* Bitch.
mosquito19 14
brush your teeth.
lolyeahthatsme 11
I love peanut butter! It's just so yummy :D
thethatoneguy_21 4
Three words man: Colgate and listerine
FleshForFantasy 3
I hope you confronted her and asked why. This is some serious stuff.