Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
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Top comments
cradle6 13
That's...incredibly bitchy
DanLikesDodge 5
It's peanut butter-jelly time!!!
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Comments (205)
mamacita001 1
BITCh
cwj 1
You suck for being allergic to peanuts, peanut butter is the best food stuff ever.
fatalwish 6
Your wife is a bitch .... Is she alergic to anything?
Bigboned38 0
When your wife doesn't want to do things with you it's because she's doing it with someone else, time to leave and find someone who wants to be with you.
drakhasa 0
now that is going to be a lasting marriage
choochoo15 0
Omg... Not cool bitch
babydiamond_fml 9
Probably u're not a gud kisser, but she could have told u how she likes it.
marisadc79 0
I thought I worked for a jackass wow
Missimoo2901 0
Well if your married to this woman wouldn't you have had a wedding and what do you do at weddings? Kiss. If she tries to get out of kissing you by eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again why don't you just sneak into the place were she keeps her peanut butter at night when she is asleep and then just throw it away and in the morning when she asks where is the peanut butter say: " I don't know maybe you threw it out yesterday and don't remember or something like that. I hope this helps :)
littlecityof 3
You might want to think about why she does that. From the sounds of it, kissing you is unpleasant to her, instead of whining about it, ask her why.