Miscellaneous: Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork...

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 6 638

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Same thing different taste

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 47 944

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

By Oh dear - 05/07/2012 22:15 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 2 732

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 215

By Tressa95 - 25/02/2018 18:30 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 682

You deserved it 306

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 215

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 410

Ghost_Kaulitz 16

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:20

Your roommate is my spirit animal.

tzemmy 25

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:24

what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?

Comments

Ghost_Kaulitz 16

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:20

Your roommate is my spirit animal.

Gravenmuir 18

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:21

Next time put chocolate sauce on his French fries before he gets them. Payback...

ComoEsJuan 24

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:36

That sounds like a gift, not a prank. Have you ever eaten fries with ice cream? Amazing.

vikky538 28

Thursday 18 December 2014 1:46

or fries with peanut butter...

joyboy390 12

Thursday 18 December 2014 4:07

Thats not payback thats helping them out that is a great combo.

foxwasalamb 24

Thursday 18 December 2014 5:20

thank you juan. everyone thinks im weird

wyverntail 15

Thursday 18 December 2014 18:31

Perhaps maybe you meant hot sauce?

cp399 14

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:23

I need to try this sometime

ckibb97 22

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:24

That is genius

thes7274473 19

Thursday 18 December 2014 13:55

Not original, though. Didn't you read Captain Underpants as a kid? That was one of their favorite pranks.

heathertail 14

Thursday 18 December 2014 15:21

It is, but I think he should get his roommate back for that.

tzemmy 25

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:24

what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?

Nexpecto 28

Thursday 18 December 2014 5:47

I want to know, since when do little girls freak out about bleeding assholes?

thatguynamedsky 32

Thursday 18 December 2014 7:01

um I don't think they're supposed to bleed there

Mf2307 15

Thursday 18 December 2014 19:06

it would be time to go to the hospital or doctor if u were

incoherentrmblr 21

Friday 19 December 2014 8:07

Could just be really bad constipation or internal hemroids. Happens to me every now and then...

Nexpecto 28

Friday 19 December 2014 21:22

Idiot down voters can suck my left one. OP wrote "like a little girl" about her "bleeding" ass.

brookenicolee29 27

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:24

I think it's time to start planning revenge.

LittleBastard 20

Thursday 18 December 2014 12:54

I think plotting would work better here, sounds more sinister. Planning sounds like hes going to take his roomate out for an expensive dinner then make the roomate pay for everything. But hey, revenge is revenge.