Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML
Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML
Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML
Today, our company hit our sales goals, an all-time high since before the pandemic. Our reward after working so hard all year long? A goodie bag with a keychain with the company logo on them. When I suggested a bonus, my boss said, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” FML
Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, my mom decided to surprise me by bringing homemade dinner over. I've been living off of ham sandwiches for over a week because I've been too busy and tired from work to cook. Of all the things she could have made, what did she make? Ham sandwiches. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML
Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML
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Top comments
iSativa 24
Donate it to a homeless shelter. It may not have been a good gift for you but a whole ham will be the world to someone who doesn't have much
1nertia 15
You're from Western Australia, I'm from New South Wales. I'm happy to take the ham, and it'll take about a weekend to drive here. So you can have an all expenses paid (by you) trip to deliver my ham!
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Comments (79)
okaydisarray 17
Well, it is time to make resolutions for the new year. Start there. Eat some tasty, tasty meat.
irwingiggles 26
give it as a christmap present to someone :p
americanafrican 32
someone has to eat it. never waste ham
tranced_ 45
I blame the economy
EJSwank 14
While it'd be nice to get more, be thankful you got anything, even recognition.
Exodiafinder687 58
Talk to your boss and I'm sure he'll let you exchange it. Unless he's pigheaded.
aseim9497 18
Those damn budget cuts.
pizzarollsyum 13
my extended family sent me a 100 dollar gift card to honey baked hams, and i am a vegan. im sorry, op.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
If you don't want it, you can mail it to me. :)
Mauskau 36
Who the hell gifts $100 just for one thing? I understand if it's a shop that sells different stuff but just ham?!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#58 The ham we bought yesterday for our Christmas dinner (coincidentally from Honey-Baked Ham) cost about $85, roughly. They're expensive!
Fmlreadermostly 20
Expensive, but worth every penny. My sis got me one a few years ago. They use torches to sear the glaze. Idk what else they do, but it makes it taste wonderful. Like a hundred dollar ham!
WOTAN1488 24
YDI (the all expenses paid vacation that is), and its a pity you can't enjoy such a delicious ham. Try it ;)
sullivankeara 25
Times are tough