Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML
Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML
Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML
Today, our company hit our sales goals, an all-time high since before the pandemic. Our reward after working so hard all year long? A goodie bag with a keychain with the company logo on them. When I suggested a bonus, my boss said, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” FML
Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, my mom decided to surprise me by bringing homemade dinner over. I've been living off of ham sandwiches for over a week because I've been too busy and tired from work to cook. Of all the things she could have made, what did she make? Ham sandwiches. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML
Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML
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Top comments
iSativa 24
Donate it to a homeless shelter. It may not have been a good gift for you but a whole ham will be the world to someone who doesn't have much
1nertia 15
You're from Western Australia, I'm from New South Wales. I'm happy to take the ham, and it'll take about a weekend to drive here. So you can have an all expenses paid (by you) trip to deliver my ham!
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Comments (79)
AquaManatee 8
The Lord is sending you a message.
Badkarma4u 17
Sell it! You've got the skills.
Silk_Routes 14
u r quick!
thez55 6
Maybe you shouldn't be a vegetarian. Animals kill helpless plants.
conihana 3
that prize is total bullshit. being vegetarian or not.
Mangoesweg 13
Thats too bad:( hope you still have a happy holiday tho :)
hisfaceallred 19
ooooh, a successful vegetarian man. sign meee upppp
grunt_fml 17
So you are basically a vegan gold digger?
devildog3766 3
its the thought that counts. if you dont enjoy it give it to someone in need.
bluebellchimes 15
Day 41: OP may be onto the vegetarian conspiracy theory.
Silk_Routes 14
sudden change cos of U or cost cutting ;)
GoodOptions 12
YDI for being a vegetarian.