Miscellaneous: Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak... - FML

By oh well - 10/03/2015 13:27 - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 8 376

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

8 out 10 dentists

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 801

You deserved it 4 228

By clumsy - 10/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Stafford

Today, I slipped and fell on a piece of plastic. I thought nothing of it until I went to the doctor's and found out that I fractured and dislocated my kneecap. I'm now in a full leg brace and crutches. Prom is five days away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 044

You deserved it 473

By moosemay - 19/01/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 160

You deserved it 1 501

By weave9z - 04/09/2012 02:08 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 127

You deserved it 3 153

By dumbdad - 28/12/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 203

You deserved it 3 462

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 06:21 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 5 618

By gui909 - 09/12/2008 07:01 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 724

You deserved it 7 275

By dumbgirl4lyf - 01/10/2012 18:24 - Ireland - Monaghan

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 808

You deserved it 4 484

By lalalee - 18/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 047

You deserved it 3 324

By evilplatypus - 11/02/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 170

By Beast - 30/03/2013 06:57 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 085

You deserved it 3 844

By helluvasinger - 12/11/2009 11:00 - South Africa

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 065

You deserved it 5 443

Mystery

By Death_Arc_Angel - 22/01/2021 09:09 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Spicy

Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 2 439

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 997

You deserved it 907

By who_cares - 09/07/2015 11:20 - United States - Garden Grove

Spicy

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 458

You deserved it 10 693

By WIno - 01/09/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 272

You deserved it 40 878

By Karaline45 - 15/12/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 583

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 12:00

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 886

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 17:32 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 599

You deserved it 2 869

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 335

You deserved it 3 613

By GiantsFan13 - 23/07/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 772

You deserved it 8 551

At will

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 119

By ugheffmylife - 09/05/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 672

You deserved it 56 432

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 2 803

Hate sex

By xenutja - 29/01/2021 13:02 - United States - Amery

Spicy

Today, I found out why my boyfriend always has sex with me like he hates me. Turns out, he actually hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 14:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 024

You deserved it 3 896

By daddysboy123 - 06/08/2009 15:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 596

You deserved it 4 891

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 01:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 4 767

By sickly - 20/01/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 508

You deserved it 4 468

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 03:29 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 1 017

By teacher - 07/09/2014 21:05 - United States - Apo

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 573

You deserved it 2 952

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 946

You deserved it 3 440

By familyfued - 17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 723

You deserved it 383

Breaking

By Meghan - 05/09/2020 08:01 - United States - New York

Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Spicy

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 2 049

By oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 853

You deserved it 9 700

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 749

You deserved it 3 258

Hope springs eternal

By Work Life Imbalance - 17/02/2021 22:59

Today, I started working my third job, on top of a full time job and a casual job. Why? My partner got sacked from her job, because she did nothing while working from home. She will look for a job "when the economy improves and we hit peak vaccination." Vaccinations don’t start in my country for another 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 134

Relatable reasoning

By Jake - 10/03/2021 23:00

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 215

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Top comments

danceinconverse 25

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:22

Wow, hope it was a mis-steak.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:18

Sell it and buy a vegetable plant or something you like.

Comments

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:18

Sell it and buy a vegetable plant or something you like.

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:47

If you're a vegan, YDI. If you're a vegetarian, FYL.

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 19:11

I guess vegans are a protected species in this community.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 19:43

BOY, did you really just say "VEGETABLE PLANT"! Let me know where i can buy a steak plant!

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 20:12

Not all plants produce vegetables, if you don't believe me, try eating some nightshade, I hear those are very delicious fruit plants.....

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 5:35

#40..you can grow them on sims3

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 14:39

40 - are you dumb or just really too high to think?

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:19

I wonder if someone close to you gave it to you, just to be an asshole.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:21

Something I'd totally do to a close friend of mine. But then again, I am an asshole

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 19:44

Omg my best friend is a Vegan and his birthday is in a few weeks. Totally doing this.

Kittyphysics 21

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 22:11

born with a smirk. smartass for life!

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 22:48

Your just waisting your money.

mightycocoman 12

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 23:57

#94 That comment was funnier than #2's.

phoneaddict13 29

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:21

happy birthday op????

Sunflower1919 19

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:21

Re-gift it to someone else on their birthday. Just make sure you don't give it back to the same person

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:48

Give it back to the same person. They get the same amount of thought that they gave when choosing OP's present.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:59

They may not have known OP was vegan. I have close friends in another state that I haven't seen in a while. We still send each other gifts, but it's hard to get a good gift when you aren't sure what's going on in their lives anymore xD

LowExpectations 30

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 20:24

Just sell the card. It's so easy to turn unwanted gift cards into cash.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 20:38

Yeah, you could sell it on Craigslist.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:21

Trade it for a giant eggplant.

danceinconverse 25

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:22

Wow, hope it was a mis-steak.

Moklon 18

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 19:00

Op should meat up with someone who likes steak and exchange the card for cash

jerryj 27

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 19:12

OP should trade in the card for some green. He/she is into plants after all.

soulcrusher11 16

Tuesday 10 March 2015 19:51

that's lamer than ur mom

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 21:24

Id steak my odds she got it from her parents, maybe she will meat someone decent if she goes there! Have a nice salad, hold the beef

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 21:27

But nowhere near as lame as YOUR comment #46.

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Sunday 20 March 2016 21:18

It probably was... I make missed-steaks all the time

AutisticAbyss 10

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:24

Happy birthday to you OP!

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:24

I'm sure you can order a salad

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:02

Because all vegans like to eat when they go out is salad... -.-

laden_swallow09 34

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 20:25

100- Well? Don't they?

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:25

Maybe the restaurant has food for vegans or trade the value of the gift with a friend for cash.

Cassandra2015 21

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 18:25

at least their intention was good

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 12

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 380

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 196