Miscellaneous: Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because...

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 362

You deserved it 3 554

Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Another great day to be alive

Trans women are women

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 372

You deserved it 9 277

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 051

You deserved it 287

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 395

You deserved it 23 204

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 12:02 - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 656

You deserved it 4 141

By GDubeau24 - 05/11/2013 17:34 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 995

You deserved it 2 848

By Anonymous - 23/07/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 302

You deserved it 25 640

By Anonymous - 06/02/2013 23:14 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 960

You deserved it 3 248

By missclitter - 09/04/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 760

You deserved it 4 039

Role model

By thanks sis - 03/07/2020 05:02

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 334

By RabbitOwner - 07/01/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 008

You deserved it 21 685

By Kathryn - 08/08/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 370

You deserved it 15 804

By "Tick" - 12/04/2019 16:00

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 129

By Superficial - 09/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 2 671

By Anonymoose - 19/08/2016 20:06

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 652

You deserved it 978

Super-spreading

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 17:59

Today, I found out I have bed bugs, thanks to my dad having them and not telling me, so my girlfriend got pissed at me, thinking I purposely give them to her, and is sending me a bill to have her house treated for them. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 81

I don't need to see this

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 06:32 - India - Kaul

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 280

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 141

Bob the Builder

By brunnells22 - 23/06/2020 23:00

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 244

By Wormy - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 121

You deserved it 30 366

By ohIlike - 15/09/2009 12:10 - Australia

Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 878

You deserved it 7 528

By NoCookForYou - 22/08/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 612

You deserved it 5 814

Time wasting

By PNeil - 13/11/2019 14:00

Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 1 493

By rained - 02/02/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 349

You deserved it 7 662

Shut up, bitch!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 19:59

Today, I went to see Ghostbusters: Afterlife. A family talked through the whole movie, phones on, watching YouTube videos, totally interrupting the experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 99

By uhmwow - 25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 698

You deserved it 955

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 648

You deserved it 2 197

By assdialed. - 04/11/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 486

You deserved it 2 577

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 22:31 - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 29 387

Say it ain't so

By loserwithlice - 26/07/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I told my 8 year-old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she's ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 848

You deserved it 6 272

By silkytaco - 17/02/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 093

You deserved it 44 312

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 933

You deserved it 40 397

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 13:13 - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 049

You deserved it 10 103

By Noname - 04/02/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 892

You deserved it 4 752

Sorry, but…

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 534

You deserved it 2 576

By female - 31/12/2018 20:00

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 344

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 681

You deserved it 8 299

By lonelygirl - 14/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 599

You deserved it 3 431

By mannnnn - 08/07/2009 05:21

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 651

You deserved it 6 045

By c-mack - 08/09/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 647

You deserved it 46 937

On deaf ears

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had breakfast with my roommate and he was so loud, my ears felt ready to burst. If I even suggest he needs his hearing checked, he erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Everyone agrees, he has no "inside voice" and they don't know how to handle his near-shouting to your face either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 61

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Top comments

Talihintti 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 12:36

at least he died happy.

perdix 29

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Saturday 24 October 2009 19:11

That's funny because I piss on my crabs all the time and they are still living happily in my crotch.

Talihintti 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 12:36

at least he died happy.

Camy123_fml 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 12:38

hahahahah for reall very happy :P

Drakon_fml 7

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Saturday 24 October 2009 12:44

I assume that this fish was expensive, because you can't be so stupid as to expect sympathy for something so trivial.

Brinty 4

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Saturday 24 October 2009 13:12

It was. It was an Angel fish worth over $200. I wrote that in the FML, but they must have edited it out for some reason :/

Prawn_fml 2

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Sunday 25 October 2009 15:11

Damn. Cruel guy. No matter whether they were expensive, those were lives lost there. Who knows, if you get kids with him he might stuff red wine into the baby bottles, too. Which, mind, isn't nearly as cruel.

Liamj774 36

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 21:06

6- 0_o I have never seen a poster comment in their FML before. That's awesome

Maxine17 8

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Saturday 24 October 2009 13:01

My friend pissed into his brother's aquarium tank. The lobster he had died.

perdix 29

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Saturday 24 October 2009 19:11

That's funny because I piss on my crabs all the time and they are still living happily in my crotch.

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 19 September 2010 22:12

Hahahahaha, this guy is funny. ^^^

Bloodknight 22

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Saturday 24 October 2009 13:06

So I'm guessing tropical fish are expensive or else I'm not seeing the FML in this at all. My fish died, boo hoo!

Shadow_Phantom 26

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Sunday 25 October 2009 2:51

Dude, their pet died. That's enough for a FML.

redbluegreen 40

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Sunday 25 October 2009 4:20

Their $200 fish... Costs a lot more then your average goldfish.

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 13:27

I shall pour some liquor for your fallen pet. Oh, wait...

ezycaa 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 13:29

RIP poor fishie :( your bf is probably trying to tell you to stop buying expensive fish!

kindness 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 14:03

why are you dating someone who gets drunk and does stupid things like that in the first place? poor fish. but seriously... people who get drunk seriously piss me off, and so do people who put up with it!

MaramaBreaksFace 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 15:04

Amen!

the_stereotype 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 17:04

seconded

maveric101 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 2:57

first, you all sound like losers who don't know how to have a good time. i'm not saying you need alcohol to have fun, but people who look down on those who drink probably don't have many friends. second, this doesn't really have anything to do with alcohol. it's entirely possible to control your actions when you're drunk. it's still his fault.