Miscellaneous: Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested...

By Anonymous - 12/08/2013 23:58 - United States

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 170

You deserved it 5 189

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

I love that for you

What a cult

By Electronotfriend - 01/08/2009 16:49 - Poland

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 183

You deserved it 4 664

Hush

By Anonymous - 02/05/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after 6 months of my baby sleeping 10 hours through the night, she's now going through sleep regression a week before I return to work. I'm now getting about 3 hours of broken sleep per night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 119

By shook - 06/09/2017 14:00 - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 11 721

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 205

By 0867142 - 27/02/2010 00:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 930

You deserved it 2 405

By Lissa - 14/09/2016 00:00 - United States - Baldwin

Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 680

You deserved it 945

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 18:28 - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 568

You deserved it 1 499

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 758

You deserved it 6 403

By Pandy1031 - 09/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 211

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 21:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 664

You deserved it 10 850

This is us

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 17:04

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 2 279

By Kayla - 06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 506

By -.- - 24/08/2013 23:54 - United States

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 100

You deserved it 8 054

By Cpm - 01/12/2009 01:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 435

You deserved it 5 066

A cashier's life

By amy - 16/10/2013 21:52 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 722

You deserved it 3 961

Cruel Summer

By Bhrugu - 20/05/2021 06:01

Today, my 20-day summer break started. It was also the day my entire family, including me, tested positive for Covid. I'm typing this in an isolation ward. There goes my summer break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 133

By LynzG - 01/02/2011 05:56

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 4 012

By unfucked - 26/08/2012 23:18 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 879

You deserved it 13 687

By Hey, thats not math!? - 09/08/2016 20:20 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 452

You deserved it 1 285

By MT - 19/09/2012 17:25 - Finland

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 106

You deserved it 3 576

Live, laugh, love no one

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 23:01

Today, I got flowers from a secret admirer. Turns out they were from my sister's in-laws who own a flower shop. Apparently, everyone feels bad that I'm single and they are convinced I'm gonna die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 84

By shitty situation - 28/01/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 2 965

By inosehowthatgotthere - 10/02/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 335

You deserved it 52 484

By ihatemondays - 23/08/2012 06:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 545

You deserved it 14 260

By dgilbs - 27/08/2012 14:50 - United States - Cheboygan

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 001

You deserved it 37 794

By stickyhair - 18/04/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 887

You deserved it 3 292

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 778

You deserved it 3 403

By stinky skunk - 05/09/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 631

You deserved it 6 171

By Anonymous - 23/08/2017 23:15

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 2 834

By rune breaker - 23/08/2018 22:05

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 435

You deserved it 206

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 11:01

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 245

By ChimerV - 15/11/2014 18:20 - France - Champenoux

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 425

You deserved it 4 130

By Apple - 12/06/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 491

You deserved it 34 743

By Monkey253100 - 03/06/2012 14:47 - France

Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 4 082

By Anonymouse - 07/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 826

You deserved it 2 147

By Anonymous - 14/06/2015 15:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 380

You deserved it 3 393

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 00:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 444

You deserved it 2 010

By Anonymous - 20/08/2009 13:23 - Australia

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 402

You deserved it 47 935

By Ouch - 19/07/2015 14:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 2 116

By Daddy_issues - 02/06/2018 05:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. She took the opportunity to tell me that she's pregnant. With my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 266

You deserved it 261

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Top comments

gun6slinger9 9

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:53

Well op it looks like you are also dating a doorknob

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:55

Ask him why the key to his car doesn't open others cars that are the same as his.

gun6slinger9 9

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:53

Well op it looks like you are also dating a doorknob

PinkieKeen 20

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:01

What is the US turning into??!

TheCanucklehead 22

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:05

Fat? Stupid?

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:12

20: Whoa, whoa, whoa. America has been overtaken by Mexico in being the fattest country in the world. Just sayin. Haha

assassinbanana0 20

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:22

No need to be stereotypical. Just because there are those kind of people here doesn't mean they all are There are people like that everywhere, no need to be so rude

webbface 25

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 10:11

20, that was PERFECT.

CoolRainbowdash 15

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 15:46

Mexico did not overtake Americ! Through I agree it's the second fattest country. (I'm from Mexico)

ViRepz 28

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 16:19

Fairly certain Australia is the second fatest per capita.

chosha_fml 25

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 18:03

I don't know about that. Aussies do love playing sport.

nurchok 15

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 18:42

Some people, eh?

Wiz_Of_Oz 17

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Wednesday 14 August 2013 0:20

Australia is fourth fattest, behind #1 Mexico #2 US #3 NZ.

Cartera 10

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Wednesday 14 August 2013 4:03

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 13:02

Eh Australia has their fair share of fat and skinny people. Like most of the richer countries. Then you have the poorer countries like China, India, Africa etc. which have way more people and less paying jobs etc.

Gumby9o5 7

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:54

Ya never know lol

deathy94 14

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:58

Never know what? And who is this lol you speak of?

lickastick 27

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:23

League Of Llamas?

Ziggyboo 10

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 14:43

Layer of Lilies?

ilovera 7

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:54

He is a keeper

aintlifeapain 21

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 10:21

of knobs?

SolarFlare 20

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 21:13

keeper of a simple mind. sorry.

fml1365 30

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:54

*face smack* I think you deserve better, or I hope he's kidding.

DenBriZel 31

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:56

So you'd leave him just because he's not too smart? Okay then...

lickastick 27

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:18

There's a difference between not being smart and having general common sense.

KK3137 31

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 12:04

Common sense is not so common..

DenBriZel 31

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:55

Oh my... Sorry OP seems like your boyfriend is a dimwit. I'd talk carefully when explaining how the insides of doorknobs are all different..

Blink_me26 21

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:55

Sound reasoning.

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:55

Ask him why the key to his car doesn't open others cars that are the same as his.

RpiesSPIES 27

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:02

Actually, some older car model keys CAN open other cars of the same make and model. I recall a news story from a few years back when a man accidentally stole someone's car like that. Also, perhaps OP's boyfriend had been watching too much My Name Is Earl and figured your landlord bought his/her locks on wholesale as well :P