Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
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Comments (290)
blazinjsin 5
forget her, find a girl worth it
ExManiac 1
Make her walk.
someoneO_O 4
sucks for you, little man :D
BuhxritNAYY 5
You know, this is a little confusing...because taking someone home could mean home base meaning sex. And the way you described her snicker didn't make it any clearer. So, yay, OP! haha well no that sucks. What a bitch
Flamedude101 4
you shouldve stuck some finger down there and into her pussy and laughed and said "yah looks like youll need one" :D
Flamedude101 4
*a big one
stupidpollock 4
Sad face emote
dantegandalf 2
Did you punch her in the face or get what you wanted any way?
meintx2001 1
You shouldve said yeh you're probably right, it'd probably be like a hotdog in a hallway anyway.
nickperry21 4
This was perfectly put
creedaddict 9
Too big for her? U stud lol