Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (290)
jimbobpro87 0
so wats wrong pin boy pmsl..... i think u said it right when u said junk pmsl
benhemon 4
The proper response is, "Bitch, you can walk home." Definitely much more respectful ways she could have declined.
Richard16 0
35- You dont know if its a scam unless you have tryed it.
gbreck 0
42- Epic ******* fail
whitehorse77 2
Ouch
swinglifeaway123 8
Did you forget to trim the man-bush?
auddylynne 0
Omg! That's so mean! What a bitch! Screw her and find somebody new.
tona01 16
She didn't let him screw her
Game23 0
Ur sexy as hell
muffdriver27 5
Oklahoma oh yea
dapperdan18 0
This happened to me before. Maybe it was the same girl.
KaelaKhaotic 5
Aww someone was too small. That's so cute.
superpals123 0
Wow your a bitch aren't you ? What your **** to big for small things ?
KaelaKhaotic 5
Can't take a joke? Get a sense of humor.
bigxbroxlol1 2
funny! ha i got somethin for you to check see if its small haha ;)
mkmorgan30 0
U look super familiar! Lol a lot like my gf xD
leadman1989 16
We can rebuild him we have the technology. Better, stronger, faster, LOOONGER than before. The worlds first bionic penis.
bigguy123456 2
Wow.. I lost iq points..
leadman1989 16
FYL then because I just gained them. And you really didn't have many to spare.
cusetown 2
lmao!
HeyImJuli 3
Shouldve raped her for sayin that
LifeOnBlast19 9
It's okay, mate. You'll find someone much more appreciative and nicer.