Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to get food. I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and all of a sudden it got hard to breathe. I realized it was a blueberry muffin, and I'm deathly allergic to blueberries. I looked at my friend, and she was laughing, saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML
Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML
Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML
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Top comments
lerouxmaster 7
The sister. She was killed instantly.
thisisafunnyname 12
did it hit anyone?
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Comments (165)
joooeee 3
Blueberry=less painful than blue waffle
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Ladies and gets, finally, someone who has personally suffered from the infamous blue waffle infection. Do tell what the experience was like (besides painful).
joooeee 3
I was just commenting to test if people still thought saying "blue waffle" was funny. Apparently it isn't anymore. So congratulations society!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Right. And I was just testing to see if people still pull the old "It was all part of my plan" trick when their joke fails.
joooeee 3
Wow you sure are smart!!!
ImmenseCabbage 0
Let's be nice, kids...
Hamcons 1
That's is amazing. You must have very large nostrils.
screamo_neve 12
If not, she probably does now :D
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
Ouch. Just thinking about that made me nose hurt.
2ndSucks 15
Like watermelon seed spitting, but better!
Babydoll4ever 7
This is the hardcore version.:)
scruffy_janitor5 1
What did she say?
juliajealousyy 1
Actually sounds quite painful.
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
God damn those blueberries
mintcar 10
I don't think I've ever made anyone laugh that hard before. Must've been some funny shit.
squirrel1215 5
On the bright side, now your boogers will be blue. I'm sorry though, that sounds really painful. =/
flockz 20
get a dartboard and try for a high score.