Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to get food. I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and all of a sudden it got hard to breathe. I realized it was a blueberry muffin, and I'm deathly allergic to blueberries. I looked at my friend, and she was laughing, saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML
Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML
Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lerouxmaster 7
The sister. She was killed instantly.
thisisafunnyname 12
did it hit anyone?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (165)
jannadrina 3
I feel your pain. I once swallowed an inch long triangular piece of pineapple before even getting one bite into it. I felt like a razor blade going down.
Vrb1981 0
You should try childbirth.
1happymummy 14
Agreed.
screamo_neve 12
This is by far the funniest thing I've heard/read all day. I can't stop laughing. Maybe I can make my brother do this with grapes.
Ixi_the_pixie 11
Did you hit her with it?
zjdoyen 4
haha
hoppy9632 0
im sorry :(
Timmeeh 17
It may hurt, but if you can repeat it you'll probably have a successful circus act on your hands.
bizarre_ftw 22
Look on the bright side, apparently your nose can be used as a deadly weapon :) Got any enemies? People that annoy you? No, you can not find my specific location from my profile, only my email, so don't try ;) Good luck with your blueberry assassinations otherwise
chels1994 11
But it sounds painful...
zuzupetalsYO 11
Did you shoot your eye out?