Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
Today, I ate two Fiber One bars for breakfast and now I can’t stop farting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML
Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML
Today, I ate one Benefiber gummy and spent half the day and good chunk of the night in misery with an upset stomach, where it felt like a lump was in it, as well as aggressive and painful gas, and painful diarrhea. FML
Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I thought I’d do something for my digestion and forego the after-lunch coffee, as it always makes me gassy. Well, without the coffee apparently all the gas just stayed inside. Whatever it did in there gave me a pretty awful stomach ache. FML
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Top comments
cliffibom 15
Did you spill your beans?
oj101 33
How on earth did such a food get approved by regulatory bodies?! And why would you consume these if you well knew what might happen?
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Comments (55)
perdix 29
Hey, next time you wrestle your boyfriend, you can give him a Cleveland Steamer, you power porker.
Enslaved 36
This reminds me of those "WOW" chips that were once on the market. Warning: May cause anal leakage! Ummm yeah, no thanks!
Epikouros 31
But you could save on lube for anal sex. (Health warning: oily anal leakage may damage latex condoms.)
buddy51 23
OP those skid marks and shart bubbles are a small price to pay for scarfing down pounds of jelly beans! Shart proudly!!
THuD29 4
I'd disagree with that
buddy51 23
Giggity
hama806 19
I bet they were "sugar free" which make all sorts of bad things happen...like your, ahim, issue.
mario2012 18
Reread the FML please.
hama806 19
Oops...the FML said they were sugar free jelly beans. Should have made a cash bet instead. I'd have better luck then I am commenting on this FML.
Llama_Face89 33
That's aspartame for ya. Also causes migraines, seizures and cancer.
Sputnikspak 13
Those 'sugar-free' things are nasty. I read a study somewhere that said diet soda and sugar-free foods actually make you gain weight. My theory is, if you're going to have a treat, have a real one, just don't make a habit of it. I eat really healthy, homemade food most of the time. The only soda I drink normally is an occasional sip of ginger ale when my stomach is upset, otherwise water or milk. But if I were going somewhere fun and wanted a root beer float or something? Then I'd have it and enjoy it! My mother is diabetic and eats/drinks all kinds of things with aspartame/sucralose/sorbitol/whatever in it. Even her morning coffee, she dumps a bunch of Splenda into it. I'd just skip the sugar and make a flavoured coffee by adding some spices and milk if I really wanted to. She's always sick to her stomach, and I'm pretty sure that's why. And on top of that she STILL eats sugary foods all the time - cake, cookies, ice cream, chocolate bars - she has type 2 diabetes and seems to occasionally think the pills 'cure' her.
akiahara 14
She just sounds like a bad diabetic... Also, milk and juice are awful for diabetics. So we drink diet things. I'm pretty positive there are other things attacking her body, not Splenda.
Kkkdawg 27
50- um.. Where the **** are you getting your info from? Please tell me how juice and milk are awful for diabetics? I've been drinking juice and milk my whole life, and i seem to be gettin on just fine. and chocolate milk is great for low blood sugar, so...
WolfieTheBadass 9
Reminds me of the time I mixed 3 flavours of mountain Dew...
seeoseek 18
Oh my god I am ******* rolling!!! FYL!!
anyoldnamewilldo 23
Chances are it wasn't aspartame, it was sugar alcohols. These are used frequently in sugar free candies and make them taste much like the sugared ones, unlike the nasty aftertaste of aspartame. These things are not meant to be eaten in large quantities. If you eat 1 serving, you should be fine. Eat the whole bag? Yeah, puts a whole new meaning to "anal leakage". Everything in moderation my dear.
Jemm_fml 29
Aw, poo.