Work: Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to... - FML

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 12:44 - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 762

You deserved it 35 220

Best teeth in the game

Own it

It's not Mondays you hate, it's capitalism

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 169

Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 111

Let 'em in

By I don't know jack - 16/08/2021 04:01 - United States - Canal Winchester

Today, after none of my friends who said they'd be at the Jackbox game night I was hosting showed up on the Zoom call, I heard a knock at the door. All of them thought it was in person at my place, which is a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 761

To the window, to the wall

By Kim - 17/07/2020 23:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 678

You deserved it 21 087

By Anon - 08/04/2013 22:04 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 882

You deserved it 2 471

By sadex - 09/03/2015 07:52

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 585

You deserved it 4 024

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 18:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 259

You deserved it 6 982

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 18:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 539

You deserved it 4 083

By Hlaalette - 13/05/2015 13:57 - Belgium

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 090

You deserved it 3 052

By Fuck's sake! - 25/04/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 242

You deserved it 27 181

By DevastatedWoman - 11/08/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 2 013

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 867

You deserved it 4 892

Mistaken identity

By thedogwalker - 09/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 185

By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - 10/05/2014 21:32 - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 785

You deserved it 6 176

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 20:30

Today, after 3 days of hearing a car alarm going off almost continuously, the city finally came and towed it. Immediately after, the owner showed up with a switchblade, inquiring who called the city. My neighbors ratted me out, despite the fact I had nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 045

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 02:06 - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 441

You deserved it 5 179

By susan - 17/11/2012 22:31 - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 847

You deserved it 27 067

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 417

You deserved it 3 772

Mixed signals

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 21/09/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 140

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 541

You deserved it 3 227

By gross. - 28/04/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 410

You deserved it 6 120

By Anonymous - 25/05/2010 23:33 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 752

You deserved it 39 622

Goodbye phone

By so jealous - 27/04/2020 05:00

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 380

Is negging still a thing?

By coffeewench - 22/08/2017 04:29

Today, while I was reading in a park, a drunk bum started talking to me. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he said, "You're really pretty, and you have nice eyes, but you have chubby cheeks. What's up with that? Did you eat a lot of peanuts when you were a kid or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 245

You deserved it 380

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 22:00

Today, my ex was talking about getting back together. I say I’d be willing to talk and ask him to explain what he wants from me, to see if there’s any common ground, but he replied, "I just mention something and you immediately attack me with this emo crap! I already regret even thinking about it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 190

You deserved it 4 920

By Goaway - 14/08/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 628

You deserved it 10 798

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 911

By ow my kidneys - 14/07/2015 10:33 - Germany - Bad Oeynhausen

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 1 908

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 451

By 1meme129 - 24/02/2016 14:12 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 250

You deserved it 1 591

By nazooer - 22/03/2012 01:50 - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 323

You deserved it 3 815

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 059

You deserved it 5 972

By Heather - 04/03/2010 12:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 153

You deserved it 3 667

By sauve dino. - 25/03/2016 03:12 - France - Groslay

Today, I explained to my five year-old son that the dinosaurs were wiped out because of a meteorite that hit our planet. He replied, "They should've stood out of the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 344

You deserved it 4 355

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 872

You deserved it 34 760

That Monday morning feeling

By Carmen - 09/03/2020 15:00

Today, I couldn't sleep because a group of drunken guys decided to stay out all night singing Disney songs. They had loudspeakers too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 17/05/2013 16:40 - Sweden - Storfors

Spicy

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 323

You deserved it 6 607

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:27

You deserve it for thinking that vitamins help to cure a cold. Guess what, you take vitamins and your cold goes away in a few days. You do nothing and your cold goes away in a few days. I have no clue why people think they can expedite the process. Plus, who takes pills without identifying them first??!?

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:14

Looks like you're in a *puts on sunglasses* shitty situation.

Comments

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:14

Looks like you're in a *puts on sunglasses* shitty situation.

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:22

I see what you did there.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:28

YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:32

clever

PieInTheSky24 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 1:27

damn it I was gonna post the exact same thing as I read the FML :L

pcakewafflebacon 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:32

vitamins don't do shit

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:46

Because THAT is relevant to my post.

black_knight402 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:55

very creative 1...

justiinbieberrxd 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 7:01

1- AHAHAH good one,LOL;)

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 8:19

I wish there was a like button on these comments :)

AMagicalLeoplura 0

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Friday 20 May 2011 6:55

that's what the thumbs up is for dipshit

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:27

You deserve it for thinking that vitamins help to cure a cold. Guess what, you take vitamins and your cold goes away in a few days. You do nothing and your cold goes away in a few days. I have no clue why people think they can expedite the process. Plus, who takes pills without identifying them first??!?

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:07

Supposedly, echinacea can help alleviate cold symptoms. Vitamin C and zinc are often believed to do the same, as well as shorten a cold's duration, but the scientific basis of those claims are questionable. Other vitamins might not affect the cold itself, but help boost your energy, etc., making the cold more tolerable.

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:29

buttplug

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:55

Nasty bro lmao.

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:30

did anyone notice that the username is the same as the other fml at bed bath and beyond? o.O

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:17

What are the odds that the same person would have two devastating life events in such close temporal proximity, and that said person would be clever enough to submit such well-written stories that would get published? Wait,what do you mean that not all of these stories are real?

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:24

Well, Doc, after the OP was kicked out of Bed, Bath & Beyond, she had no choice but to go to work and give her shitty presentation that she had been holding back for so long.

schalk 12

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:45

Oh dang, I said the exact same thing without reading the comments first. I knew someone else would notice

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 1:12

They probably are the same person. They have teh same location.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 2:14

OMG! You r soooooo fucking smart! JK! Who gives a damn? Fucking douchebag!

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 4:54

idc about the comment. I <3 the picture!

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:31

I fail to see the FML. Now you can say you have a cold AND diarrhea! Stay home and try to relax while you wish you hadn't had that chili yesterday! :p

rawrcookiemonste 5

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:32

omfg run for the toilet gurl!

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:39

What's the FML? Now you won't be bothered by a runny nose. Cold cured!

perdix 29

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:43

I wish everyone who made presentations had to OD on laxatives beforehand. That would make them progress at an acceptable pace.

tencentsakiss 19

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:43

What do you keep your pills in plastic baggies or something? Why do you have laxatives mixed in with your vitamins? You seem a little ridiculously unorganized, OP.

tencentsakiss 19

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:32

Clearly I only half read this. Disregard my comment.

catatonicsleep 17

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Monday 18 October 2010 23:46

Cold meds might have been a better choice vitamins aren't cures... But you especially deserve it for taking pills with no idea what they are!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 109

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 292