Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

Gassy day

Today, I ate two Fiber One bars for breakfast and now I can’t stop farting. FML

The diet plan from hell

Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

Gummied up

Today, I ate one Benefiber gummy and spent half the day and good chunk of the night in misery with an upset stomach, where it felt like a lump was in it, as well as aggressive and painful gas, and painful diarrhea. FML

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

Addiction

Today, I thought I’d do something for my digestion and forego the after-lunch coffee, as it always makes me gassy. Well, without the coffee apparently all the gas just stayed inside. Whatever it did in there gave me a pretty awful stomach ache. FML