By Kimberpoo - 14/03/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 874
You deserved it 5 667

Same thing different taste

Top comments

oj101 33

How on earth did such a food get approved by regulatory bodies?! And why would you consume these if you well knew what might happen?


oj101 33

How on earth did such a food get approved by regulatory bodies?! And why would you consume these if you well knew what might happen?

A side effects warning on food? I've never noticed anything like that.

perdix 29

#1, Bribery. Here, they go by the euphemism of "campaign contribution." If there's a dollar to be made by selling a product that makes people shit their pants, spending a penny to grease the right Congressman is just about the best investment there is.

Sorbitol is an artificial sweetener and Iain almost all sugar free candies and most gum too. It is also a main ingredient in laxatives. Some people can handle it better than others. Others (like myself) can't handle it at all and one candy causes problems. Hence the "may cause" on the label.

Glucose is what everything you eat gets broken down to, and sucrose is regular table sugar. What you ate was probably maltitol or sorbitol, which are sweet sugar alcohols that have no caloric value. They can, however, cause the GI symptoms you and OP were unlucky enough to experience.

Was going to say the same thing Doc. For once, I actually used organic chemistry in real life!

intelliDude 7

Adding on to Doc, you should also know that many sugar free products have some type of sugar alcohol in them because they taste terrible without the added sweet taste.

Diet soda does not give you the *****. Aspartame, sucralose, etc, are not sugar alcohols and do not have the same effect. I'm diabetic and would rather not take insulin for such things, so Splenda and diet soda, FTW. But those sugar free candies are nasty. Also, you have to eat several servings before it becomes a laxative. Sugar free, low fat, nonfat, whatever doesn't mean that you should hoover the whole bag.

Spottedfeather 7

You shouldn't drink diet anything. Diet sodas make you mean and nasty. I'm not making that up.

If you just eat a few there's no problem. But eat too many...

courtney680 17

Anything that says it could be a laxative, you probably shouldn't eat..

I think it was more of a squirt than "spill."

I feel like food shouldn't have side effect warnings. Throw that crap out.

Every food item has implied side effects warnings... because they all consist of chemical compounds and side effects are still an item's effects. Strawberry - Cellulose, Glucose, Vitamin C... each compound affects individuals in different ways, idiosyncrasies. Implied warning: May kill you. May restore your energy via ETC..and the list goes on.

Ok but really food should be good enough not to have any warnings

Your FML may as well have read, "today I pooped my pants." Bwahahaha.

stevenJB 25

I'm sorry, but...but, that was kinda, a lot, sorta really bad. :/

This may be one of the most non-entertaining things I've read all day. "You pooped your pants... Bahahahaha" no. Just shut up

perdix 29

It would be hard to market a product with a "may cause sharting" label on it. There was a fake fat that had "make cause oily anal leakage" on its label, and that's why you never hear of it anymore.

perdix 29

"may cause oily anal leakage" * Auto-correct! Damn you!

stevenJB 25

Whoa! Almost had the whole Internet n your ass there for a moment! o.o

perdix 29

#30, they would have gotten all oily ;)

You might want to buy a different brand of jellybeans OP, whoever approved of actually selling those jellybeans must've been on crack

This is why you don't eat sugar-free jellybeans. They just aren't legit. Taste the rainbow, poop the rainbow. (yeah yeah skittles but still...)

It seems obvious that sugar-free candy is indicative of a chemical shitstorm. Good news: the sharts will go away. Bad news: your IQ will stay relatively the same.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Hint: sugar-free isn't going to help if there's corn syrup in it. FYL but YDI for buying something labeled with an effect like that.

crammer1 6

There isn't any corn syrup in sugar-free jelly beans.

corn syrup is litterly liquid sugar...