Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML
Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
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Top comments
jillz 0
..and how did you discover this? o.O
CastlesInTheSky 0
remember, immature spells IM mature (:
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Comments (49)
KJRx 0
One of my friends calls his 'Ratings Cannon.' go figure.
perdix 31
Darling, don't you monkey with The Monkey Monkey, Monkey, Monkey Don't you know you're going to Shock The Monkey! Give your mom a car battery and some jumper cables!
perdix 31
Darling, don't you monkey with The Monkey Monkey, Monkey, Monkey Don't you know you're going to Shock The Monkey! Give your mom a car battery and some jumper cables!
050294 0
I applaud you, Perdix.
050294 0
So apparently they can't have any fun and name his penis? And you call him a disgusting mess of a boyfriend and then say "they call ME immature". Looks like they're right - you're an immature, snobby little brat. YDI
alicia_was_here 3
i agree. maybe if she wrote down legitimate reasons why he is a disgusting mess, then she wouldnt sound so immature.
Wooddaver 0
my guess would be you hate him because he's ******* your mom, but maybe that's just me.
Splatt888_fml 0
Ha true
Splatt888_fml 0
Ha true
Splatt888_fml 0
Ha true
ray38 0
Wow
Skaternate77 0
haha that sucks threaten your moms boyfriend and tell him to **** off
fudgnugget 0
I hate ur mom she sux "monkey"
Squander 3
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!! [Incestrous molestation jokes! Always funny!]
Mahyar 2
WTF it's probably called the monkey since it's hairy. Just a guess. You need to punch your mom in the nose. : )