Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call...

By butimarealbear - 13/7/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35573

You deserved it

3213

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Trip Advisor says no

This is fine

Inspirational tale

By bbedlock - 16/4/2011 12:35 - Australia

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51207

You deserved it

19145

Favorite

By InDebt - 4/2/2016 04:47 - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22365

You deserved it

1939

Favorite

By gnafron - 31/12/2014 11:30 - France - Grenoble

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42852

You deserved it

14917

Favorite

By drewB - 12/8/2019 10:00 - United States

Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1702

You deserved it

120

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/6/2013 17:22 - United States - Seattle

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45128

You deserved it

4167

Favorite

By JT - 12/4/2011 14:19 - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35182

You deserved it

13344

Favorite

By tkrause - 1/4/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41293

You deserved it

4134

Favorite

By Stigmamma - 28/6/2020 05:06

Taking advantage

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1207

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By sadface - 4/1/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31382

You deserved it

7389

Favorite

By JeezAndAges - 24/11/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4495

You deserved it

419

Favorite

By anonymous - 29/3/2012 15:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24765

You deserved it

2213

Favorite

By Saberwolf - 13/2/2011 21:14 - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44795

You deserved it

3087

Favorite

By Smiley - 31/12/2016 14:33 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20878

You deserved it

3592

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 15:09 - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25849

You deserved it

3709

Favorite

By Shawn Bennight - 10/6/2020 08:07

Alexa, play "I Won't Share You" by The Smiths

Today, my wife of 23 years said she wanted a divorce, that she didn't love me anymore and is moving out. Why? I told her I didn't want us to date and have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1939

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By T-Shain - 31/5/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49280

You deserved it

8507

Favorite

By unacceptable - 4/6/2012 15:02 - Australia

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26196

You deserved it

2722

Favorite

By Unloved. - 15/9/2009 10:09 - New Zealand

Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33956

You deserved it

9688

Favorite

By SadExperiment - 30/10/2012 00:42 - United States - Claremont

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34540

You deserved it

3303

Favorite

By Laura - 3/5/2012 07:55 - France

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32218

You deserved it

2586

Favorite

By mskawaiibat - 29/6/2013 10:01 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50648

You deserved it

3391

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 14:00

Hangover

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

786

You deserved it

2984

Favorite

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31345

You deserved it

7138

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5136

You deserved it

332

Favorite

By budbunny13 - 30/6/2011 23:08 - United States

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10649

You deserved it

63823

Favorite

By whatjusthappened - 6/9/2013 00:46 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64021

You deserved it

4603

Favorite

By Noname - 2/3/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93094

You deserved it

4348

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85138

You deserved it

5910

Favorite

By "1DisGR8" - 16/12/2018 09:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3372

You deserved it

320

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2019 12:12

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1587

You deserved it

910

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 23:39 - United States - Salem

Experimentation

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40668

You deserved it

3368

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 05:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30415

You deserved it

2520

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30028

You deserved it

1934

Favorite

By WhyICantHaveNiceThings - 15/3/2018 19:00

From the bottom of my... stomach?

Today, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview someone I’ve greatly admired for years and grew up watching. I was naturally nervous, but I didn’t expect to be so nervous I would throw up on him in the first 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4042

You deserved it

443

Favorite

By Username - 3/6/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11918

You deserved it

59800

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

Today, I noticed that the longer I work from home, the more inclined my mother is to interrupting it every five or ten minutes. She says I can stay online late to make it a full 8 hours, but then gets mad when I actually do so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

938

You deserved it

Favorite

By annonn - 24/3/2016 11:11 - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17064

You deserved it

17919

Favorite

By nekoneko - 7/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36883

You deserved it

3009

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2013 05:06 - United States - El Paso

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46463

You deserved it

5724

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 10:32 - United States

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32165

You deserved it

58235

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2883902 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:00

Or Po.

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2883944 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:02

Panda no like being called regular name. Panda strong like warrior!

COMMENTS

By green_eggs_and_h | 0

#2883902 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:00

Or Po.

OWNZ | 0

#2884021 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:06

Sounds like she cant BEAR the thought of calling him Panda!

whyXD | 12

#2884043 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:07

Then call him panda.

Keyman1212 | 14

#2884052 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:09

Hey, you can tell your friends your mom is fucking a Panda! You'll be the coolest kid on the block.

Flutist | 3

#2884079 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:11

Sad Panda just want love.

iLove2LoveU | 0

#2884450 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:51

I don't see the FML in this! your moms dating a guy named panda!! awesome!!

dolphincheddar | 10

#2884471 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:54

pandas are awesome. they are black, white and asian at the same time!

chaps93 | 6

#2884492 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:57

Pablo Sandoval?

dummbrunette | 0

#2884759 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:27

if he starts making you call him "Puff Daddy" that's when you should start worrying

juicedboi | 7

#2884778 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:29

Don't be racist, be a Panda lover. Black White and Asian.

zendaddy0 | 0

#2884870 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:41

so what dude has a nickname

Iamaninchworm | 0

#2884894 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:44

Oh maker save me from 13s bad puns by releasing a blight to devour him...

Andrew1122 | 0

#2884956 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:52

isn't that better than Big Daddy

lalala2589 | 0

#2885292 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:00

He better make some good noodles. Noodles or gtfo.

mmorgan9218 | 5

#2885582 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:45

DA reference?

imustbeinsane | 2

#2885595 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:47

Sexual Harrasment Panda

chuckychan | 8

#2886598 - Thursday 14 July 2011 1:18

wadda player

rockindyl22 | 0

#2887172 - Thursday 14 July 2011 3:11

Real life pedobear?

Cokie_the_Clown | 5

#2887240 - Thursday 14 July 2011 3:24

Pedo the Panda.

Crncj | 0

#2887537 - Thursday 14 July 2011 4:30

mommy and panda

12em12 | 1

#2888674 - Thursday 14 July 2011 7:58

He's pedobear in disguise.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2893373 - Friday 15 July 2011 2:23

Big Panda want sex NOW

ShakeMeDown | 12

#2894742 - Friday 15 July 2011 5:18

he must be asian

coffeygirl12 | 14

#2902814 - Saturday 16 July 2011 3:11

I think he's my uncle... we don't talk to him...

Manganimegrl | 16

#3958926 - Sunday 29 January 2012 1:12

Now I want to make my friends call me Panda!!

By wooni0104 | 2

#2883908 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:01

he must be Asian.

wooni0104 | 2

#2883963 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:03

dang I just said he must be asian

By BattlingJason | 14

#2883909 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:01

Is he a black belt?

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2884250 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:26

and that doesn't set off any crazy indicators with your mom?

daBeast155 | 0

#2884369 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:42

just be careful of his lectures of sexual harassment

daBeast155 | 0

#2884371 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:42

just be careful of his lectures of sexual harassment

daBeast155 | 0

#2884374 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:42

just be careful of his lectures of sexual harassment

zukinihudini | 0

#2884964 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:53

i know someone that goes by Panda

LardZilla | 11

#2885256 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 21:53

No, he's a dragon warrior.

hiyourcute | 0

#2886612 - Thursday 14 July 2011 1:21

No, he's pablo sandoval

ArentICute | 0

#2888351 - Thursday 14 July 2011 6:56

No, he's Chuck Norris.

By littobunnay | 0

#2883930 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:02

at least it's not the Kung Fu panda :)

yo_bro_hoe | 5

#2884678 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:18

that would be awesome! lol

NatandAlexrhot | 6

#2885419 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:29

I love pandas :3

ImmortalKratos | 0

#2885970 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 23:48

jack black is annoying -__-

SoKeshaHasWeed | 0

#2908729 - Saturday 16 July 2011 23:16

Maybe he wants to be like Eminem in 8 Mile and have an animal nickname...

By hellokat1 | 0

#2883932 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:02

He sounds like a keeper!

ChrisIsANinja | 3

#2883991 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:05

Definitely!

PurpleWaffles | 2

#2884411 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:46

Yeah, in the basement.

TheOtherMakona | 0

#2884479 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:56

With a shovel.

Mysanitywins | 10

#2884509 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:58

With no lights on.

iAmScrubs | 19

#2884732 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:22

While wearing a hockey mask.

dummbrunette | 0

#2884822 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:34

I wouldn't even poke it on Facebook.

Iamaninchworm | 0

#2884905 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:46

Wearing a swimsuit with a crotch hole.

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2883944 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:02

Panda no like being called regular name. Panda strong like warrior!

DarkHelmet | 10

#2884187 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:19

LOL Classic!

Carebear423 | 0

#2884831 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:36

I freaking love all your comments iAmScrubs.

ebroski6 | 0

#2887234 - Thursday 14 July 2011 3:23

I am scrubs is what makes FML so funny

hmbsfp | 0

#2888639 - Thursday 14 July 2011 7:50

iamscrubs u always make my day!

By Mi24hind | 0

#2883981 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:05

So, people are switching from vampires to Panda's? Oh joy.

daxter136 | 0

#2884742 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:24

yay about time the panda takes over those dumb vampires who look so fake

Iamaninchworm | 0

#2884920 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:48

And why are you saying this like its bad??? Pandas foreva.

iSitt | 0

#2885209 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 21:39

maybe that will get the preteens out of the science fiction. isles at the bookstires.

By Shayton | 12

#2883999 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:05

does he know kung fu?

By lindon555 | 0

#2884015 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:06

does he look like a panda?

By SwaggerMelon | 6

#2884022 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:06

Is it really you ChillLaxBroPandaLanders?