Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML
Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
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Top comments
jillz 0
..and how did you discover this? o.O
CastlesInTheSky 0
remember, immature spells IM mature (:
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Comments (49)
sdfan1995 0
is his penis big and hairy and does your mom play with it?
musicmaniac925 0
I don't quite understand how this is an FML... just don't say anything about monkeys around them
JaquanKennedyFML 0
this fml makes no sense
Phallus_fml 0
this ain't even an FML.
marcustan 0
i hope the moderators shut this thread soon
lilbyrd43 0
Is that a Canadian thing?
CastlesInTheSky 0
remember, immature spells IM mature (:
your_face 15
Yeaahhhh... but if you use letters in lieu of real words to say you're mature, it's not true.
Mest_Is_Wicked 0
Repeat
Jacobi37 0
lmao thats totally wut im callin mine from now on!!!
MDNL 0
cloister, that was the best. lmao
ShadowBitch99 2
If I were you I'd reply this: You know what **** you, your boyfriend, and "The Monkey"!! BTW Thats probably cuz' it might be small and fuzzy, like a monkey. XD