Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML
Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jillz 0
..and how did you discover this? o.O
CastlesInTheSky 0
remember, immature spells IM mature (:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (49)
eatpussy 0
Maybe it is called the monkey because it find the way through the forest ?
Steve_Dudley_UK 10
Just refer to the little monkey the same way Tarzan did. Call it cheater, it will drive your mom and her boyfriend nuts.
HalfLit 17
My moms boyfriend has a wife. It could be worse.