Health: Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 50

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 27

11/05/2011 14:10

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 843

You deserved it 43 476

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mother of the year

Good kid

Bad hair day

By Andrew7847 - 22/04/2012 05:24

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 085

You deserved it 4 421

05/11/2018 22:00

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 331

24/01/2012 19:50

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 180

You deserved it 3 090

05/03/2016 05:57

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 945

You deserved it 1 778

Everybody want to drool the world

By slapstick1982 - 10/09/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 949

21/09/2012 19:10

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 993

You deserved it 4 753

24/10/2010 13:06

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 9 967

15/03/2016 01:46

Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 686

You deserved it 1 770

31/12/2010 15:06

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 798

You deserved it 8 820

15/11/2015 17:36

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 066

You deserved it 2 256

16/02/2009 00:33

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 906

You deserved it 10 564

17/06/2016 04:32

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they 'thought I would be lonely'. I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 899

You deserved it 3 117

01/06/2016 21:33

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 855

You deserved it 1 116

19/12/2013 02:59

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 127

You deserved it 2 985

19/04/2009 21:52

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 409

You deserved it 61 173

Strong incel vibes

By anotherdayfml - 04/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told a guy that I was on birth control. He decided that it would be best for us not to continue speaking with each other. I never would've thought taking care of myself would be a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 148

03/02/2010 05:03

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 387

You deserved it 2 958

12/10/2011 12:37

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 620

You deserved it 46 928

09/08/2009 04:22

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 14 992

17/11/2008 08:53

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 526

You deserved it 8 260

13/06/2014 19:13

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 207

You deserved it 5 024

Parenting fail

By Anonymous - 21/01/2020 19:00

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 498

19/09/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 216

16/07/2015 17:03

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 482

You deserved it 2 871

Exciting

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 74

18/02/2016 03:22

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 893

You deserved it 4 872

14/11/2016 02:36

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 613

You deserved it 1 663

08/11/2018 22:00

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 188

You deserved it 260

02/05/2015 08:04

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 703

You deserved it 2 950

18/03/2013 02:45

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 299

You deserved it 10 334

25/09/2011 04:03

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 134

You deserved it 3 846

05/05/2019 04:00

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 793

07/02/2009 03:55

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323 290

You deserved it 58 416

Bored out of our minds

By Maxx - 28/07/2021 18:58

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 22 633

06/07/2017 18:30

Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 755

You deserved it 1 830

23/05/2016 11:57

Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 266

You deserved it 2 381

Jagged Little Pill

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 22:01

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 837

24/04/2009 06:27

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 392

You deserved it 5 625

05/11/2010 21:09

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 633

You deserved it 5 337

07/01/2013 08:35

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 641

You deserved it 5 935

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:50

No one is responsible for your injuries after being tickled. >:)

ProhibitionRose 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:44

....wow...that's what you get for tickling him.

Comments

ProhibitionRose 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:44

....wow...that's what you get for tickling him.

AlyshaDeShae 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:53

Damn straight! YDI, OP! Besides, since when is it considered "flirty" to tickle someone? O_o

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 20:00

Yup, I rather me punched than tickled. I hate it so much.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 20:09

@22: A lot of sex stores sell things specifically to tickle people, so I guess for quite some time.

AlyshaDeShae 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 20:20

29: Oh, well, I guess this is why I don't go in sex stores. I would never consider being tickled to be sexy or flirty or anything other than frustrating and annoying.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 21:49

My girlfriend always tries to hurt me when I tickle her, although she does think it's sexy. But yeah OP, you should've seen that one coming, hope you get well soon. I'm sorry if I may seem like a bad person, but I laughed when I read that he elbowed you, I figured the knee would be the correct reaction

catatonicsleep 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:08

if you're going to tickle expect to be hit/kicked etc its an involuntary reaction in a lot of people

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 1:49

45 how much u wanna bet my abs are stronger than yours

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 4:01

72, Not much because they probably are, and thank you for noticing my abs :)

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 5:02

no im dead serious they are. why? cuz im in gymnastics. urs are sexy too though.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 5:56

I bet that your nose tickles NOW!!

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 14:24

lolz

Send a private message

Saturday 14 May 2011 0:31

i though he would pee on him

TookaWooka666 0

Send a private message

Saturday 14 May 2011 8:22

So did you guys get it on anyways?

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:50

No one is responsible for your injuries after being tickled. >:)

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:00

That made no sense..

ProhibitionRose 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:43

...reread it. it makes perfect sense.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 20:01

These replies need more red heads.

GigaPudding_fml 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:51

You didn't see that one coming?

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 20:27

yea I mean never tickle guys my gf did it to me an I freaked

YacL 15

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 2:55

Exactly. Bad shit happens when I tickle people/people tickle me. Somebody always ends up getting a knee to the face or something...

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 6:38

How were you tickling him on his feet and getting elbowed in the face?

firestarter31 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:53

no means no.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 May 2011 6:14

that's what she said

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:01

Some people, when tickled, spazz out & start defending themselves any way they can. When my boyfriend tickles me, he always gets hurt in the end. I can't help it...guessing your bf is the same way as me when it comes to being tickled.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:42

I'm like that, also. I nearly drove my gf's head into the wall one time because she was tickling me and I spazzed out.

AlyshaDeShae 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:55

I may have accidentally kicked my mom in the face and stomach while punching at her arm when she tried to tickle my feet once... It may have been the last time she tried to tickle me, too. O_o

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:03

Some people spazz out & start defending themselves in any way possible. I kick, squirm, pinch, bite, pull on random body parts of the "attacker". I almost ripped my boyfriend's ear off one time...

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:05

Damn... didn't see my comment post the first time. My bad.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:07

Bitch, no one likes to be tickled. No matter how hard you laugh, it's never fun.

Dethh 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:13

Tickling is serious business...if she tickled me I'd shove my penis down her throat till she gags

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:50

Man you love gagging people, don't you? But anyways, ya tickling is definitely no joke.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 20:30

I agree. when someone decides they are going to tickle someone ticklish they can accept the fact that they are going to get hurt.

rockyraccoon28 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:11

ydi. i'm super ticklish and i throw punches when people try to tickle me. it's in no way flirty. it's just fricken annoying.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:20

YDI. Tickling is only fun for the tickler. Kids like it. Adults don't.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:31

Exactly. When will people realize that tickling is just plain dumb? As in, NOT FUNNY.

Death_From_Above 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:23

ain't gonna do that no more are ya!