Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I finally got my period. There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML
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Top comments
dcam13 19
and now we can't "un-hear" this either.. asshole.
Zebidee 9
Creepy to know that about your Mom (you know that WE can't un-read this, right?) However, I must say, if you ever get the chance to try one of those Japanese robot toilet seats, do it, do it, do it! It's hours of entertainment, especially if you can't understand the labels on the buttons, and have to guess what happens when you press one.
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Comments (74)
saphira2095 6
Thanks for the image. I kinda agree that you shouldn't have picked on your mom's female problems, but at the same time that sounds like the weirdest parent-child bonding moment since Karl on the walking dead season finale
jessherself13 21
You honestly could have heard worse from her. But that had to have been a pretty horrific visual image for you. FYL.
Harley Osborne 8
You think you're struggling with that image, at least you didn't read it as bidet and fryer...