Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher....

By FaceTime issues - 6/4/2014 06:57 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

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41953

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Gratitude walks

Capitalism kills

By GhettoBeast - 8/9/2009 04:42 - New Zealand

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

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42741

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By idiot says pussy - 21/1/2014 17:43 - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

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49229

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2014 12:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

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41257

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

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45950

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By Beeisc00l - 5/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

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30516

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By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/2/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

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42257

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

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34435

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By SleepIsForTheWeak - 19/3/2015 16:41 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

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30792

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By hey-o - 23/2/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

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48123

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By Dragoness11 - 3/5/2019 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a cheap restaurant, my dad asked me if I wanted a straw. I declined, saying I wanted to do my bit for the environment and not waste plastic when I'm fine without. He grabbed three and dropped them on the sticky table, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

470

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By MrFerret - 6/5/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

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37599

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By anonymous - 23/3/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

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By Sarah - 1/10/2017 16:00

Today, my therapist said, "Y'know, Sarah, you would be a lot happier if you laid off the cocaine." I don't do cocaine. I never have. FML

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3556

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223

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

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By redneckpunk - 16/3/2015 19:15 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

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31561

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By Jennifer - 20/1/2016 19:20 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML

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19090

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By hardlyworking - 4/3/2011 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

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7633

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By Anonyme - 9/7/2011 00:11 - France

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

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12944

You deserved it

83655

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 02:53 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

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26423

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By Kimmikoto - 31/1/2017 07:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

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4826

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3476

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 05:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

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30716

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38456

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By vishuzzbabe77 - 22/8/2011 06:04 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

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10409

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41554

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By so_this_is_me - 13/8/2015 17:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24753

You deserved it

3515

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By takeiteasy - 7/1/2009 03:58 - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

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9631

You deserved it

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By carrie - 13/1/2009 06:41 - Algeria

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

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24134

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6504

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By upliftmofo - 28/3/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36566

You deserved it

5953

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By nickw177 - 22/10/2012 01:21 - United States

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

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14237

You deserved it

20632

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By Canadagirl - 24/8/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

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4138

You deserved it

295

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

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29653

You deserved it

2541

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

156785

You deserved it

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By wow - 27/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Portland

Good shot

Today, for the first time in months, my best friend agreed to hang out with me. After waiting, three hours for him to show up, I called to see what was taking him so long. He told me he couldn't come because he needed to get a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1824

You deserved it

181

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By thankskimi - 15/3/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

565263

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40095

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By tired individual - 12/1/2014 11:04 - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

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47089

You deserved it

3830

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By charlieweaver21 - 21/1/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30974

You deserved it

6099

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By locker - 16/9/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

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25568

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By noosher0990 - 18/2/2010 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

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20771

You deserved it

2743

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By Philip - 17/2/2017 16:00 - Australia

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7680

You deserved it

1590

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By Oops - 24/10/2009 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46766

You deserved it

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By BluBaller - 6/4/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35444

You deserved it

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By jc2011 - 25/9/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

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39171

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Top comments

By Daonna | 9

#5906701 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:11

Well at least you weren't naked too?

By PossiblyInDanger | 24

#5906702 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Just remember, it could always be worse. At least no one was having sex.

COMMENTS

By blueboy154 | 12

#5906700 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:10

That happened to me before...

Stazza11 | 27

#5906721 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:29

But did you get the help you needed?

da_best_eva | 9

#5906730 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:42

I didn't realize that this was a problem for multiple people.

tiernang | 21

#5906755 - Sunday 6 April 2014 18:44

But there are two people in the call, so it has to be a problem for multiple people lol

thefastnfuryass | 14

#5906768 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:21

I hear it's a liberating experience to seen one's mother naked and without her knowledge of knowing she accepted the video call.

blueboy154 | 12

#5906773 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:25

Guys I was kidding

da_best_eva | 9

#5906914 - Sunday 6 April 2014 22:55

#31 true, but you know what I meant

kangx1 | 28

#5907139 - Monday 7 April 2014 3:08

Did you guys have an hour long talk about your penis?

By Daonna | 9

#5906701 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:11

Well at least you weren't naked too?

DarkQuise | 6

#5906767 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:18

because its his mother who cares if he seen it before thats still awkward

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5906941 - Sunday 6 April 2014 23:29

there's a difference between a naked baby and a naked grown wo/man

Stylux_fml | 16

#5906984 - Monday 7 April 2014 1:08

#62 I mentioned this on another FML, but am I the only one sick of 's/he' and 'wo/man'? You could have just used 'adult' or 'person' to cover both genders...

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5907228 - Monday 7 April 2014 4:50

the thing is #72, I don't keep track of your comments, nor do I care what you're sick of.

By PossiblyInDanger | 24

#5906702 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Just remember, it could always be worse. At least no one was having sex.

buckeyed | 20

#5906825 - Sunday 6 April 2014 20:24

"Hang on babe; I need to call my mom about the dishwasher."

Sirmrcrowley | 12

#5907127 - Monday 7 April 2014 2:54

You don't know what kind of question she had about the dishwasher!! Could've been "how do I make this thing rock n roll like the washer"??

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5907329 - Monday 7 April 2014 7:54

do we know that for sure?

By Shmizlish | 9

#5906703 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Family bonding time

Godsofdracos | 15

#5906974 - Monday 7 April 2014 0:46

Easy there Oedipus.

da_best_eva | 9

#5907318 - Monday 7 April 2014 7:17

I would like that comment, but it has a perfect 69 likes lol

By juststephhere | 23

#5906704 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Can't get much worse than that...

Polynomial | 28

#5906719 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:28

What if was naked too? Or one of them had peanut butter om there genetles? Assuming one of them has a large dog. OP

EpicSquishii | 21

#5906734 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:53

*genitals

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5906942 - Sunday 6 April 2014 23:32

nothing worse than "peanut better om there genetles" right?

...

By Jellybellybeanz | 22

#5906705 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:13

How does that even happen??? And eww! Why would you answer the phone in the bathroom?? When call me and I'm in there, I just call back after. They do not need to hear what's going on

Jellybellybeanz | 22

#5906711 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:16

*when someone calls me

NeatNit | 32

#5906749 - Sunday 6 April 2014 18:19

This is just what happens when people use technology. More accurately misuse technology.

Most people can't understand the simplest, most intuitive features. It drives me mad.