Miscellaneous: Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher....

By FaceTime issues - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

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41964

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4985

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Hello everyone!

Deadbeat

By Queso Dog - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15193

You deserved it

28460

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By collegestudent

Today, I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book at an airport. A woman asked me what I was reading, so I told her. She said, "Oh, so you have children?" Since I'm in my early twenties, I was taken aback and said no. She replied slower and louder, "Oh, so you have a childlike mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1881

You deserved it

306

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 23:00

Do what you gotta do

Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2521

You deserved it

131

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By annababyyyy - United States - Rockville

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44504

You deserved it

7438

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By Tise81 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, my 18-year-old son got his first tattoo. I would have loved it, if it wasn't a text on his hand with a glaring spelling mistake in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1481

You deserved it

190

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By Nick

Today, my girlfriend of almost 5 years (who broke up with me only a week or so ago) told me that she's been speaking to one of my best friends and sees a future with him instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2157

You deserved it

165

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By RandomLG94 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25908

You deserved it

1557

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By ugh - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12323

You deserved it

1099

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By Who1s269 - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62079

You deserved it

8361

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31707

You deserved it

9647

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By jigglepuff - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38632

You deserved it

6720

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By KillMeNow - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9758

You deserved it

73904

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By scammed - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36802

You deserved it

2857

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By I_Am_The_Edge - United States

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68566

You deserved it

863346

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37553

You deserved it

3326

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By sick of this shit - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19628

You deserved it

1522

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By tenthousandspoon - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27757

You deserved it

3028

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By ===== - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28597

You deserved it

49839

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By bojangles - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25216

You deserved it

47782

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Woodland mystery

Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

760

You deserved it

106

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By Phazzer - United States

Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10467

You deserved it

33593

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave him twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar machine then jackpotted the ten dollar machine for $20,000. When we got home he broke up with me. I have been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49647

You deserved it

5117

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By AnatomyLecture

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6742

You deserved it

640

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By backwardsinlife - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9387

You deserved it

45424

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By dating a fking cnt - Canada

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

You deserved it

3278

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By captainuniverse - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19944

You deserved it

1268

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By idislikeblanks - United States - Lathrop

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35766

You deserved it

4094

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By Fmyhair - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42149

You deserved it

38203

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By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16350

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21375

You deserved it

14474

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By kiki - United States

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46239

You deserved it

3866

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By danskinnow - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13077

You deserved it

34592

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22366

You deserved it

2701

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By 'creep' - United States - Littleton

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45890

You deserved it

7162

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By Anonymous - United States

Drunken antics

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28130

You deserved it

3355

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41519

You deserved it

4955

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By graospe - United States

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12488

You deserved it

30819

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Fiancé of the year

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

120

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By FUCKFACECUNT - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29562

You deserved it

2373

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By busybee - United States

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65573

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Top comments

By Daonna | 9

#5906701 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:11

Well at least you weren't naked too?

By PossiblyInDanger | 24

#5906702 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Just remember, it could always be worse. At least no one was having sex.

COMMENTS

By blueboy154 | 12

#5906700 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:10

That happened to me before...

Stazza11 | 27

#5906721 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:29

But did you get the help you needed?

da_best_eva | 9

#5906730 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:42

I didn't realize that this was a problem for multiple people.

tiernang | 21

#5906755 - Sunday 6 April 2014 18:44

But there are two people in the call, so it has to be a problem for multiple people lol

thefastnfuryass | 14

#5906768 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:21

I hear it's a liberating experience to seen one's mother naked and without her knowledge of knowing she accepted the video call.

blueboy154 | 12

#5906773 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:25

Guys I was kidding

da_best_eva | 9

#5906914 - Sunday 6 April 2014 22:55

#31 true, but you know what I meant

kangx1 | 28

#5907139 - Monday 7 April 2014 3:08

Did you guys have an hour long talk about your penis?

By Daonna | 9

#5906701 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:11

Well at least you weren't naked too?

DarkQuise | 6

#5906767 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:18

because its his mother who cares if he seen it before thats still awkward

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5906941 - Sunday 6 April 2014 23:29

there's a difference between a naked baby and a naked grown wo/man

Stylux_fml | 16

#5906984 - Monday 7 April 2014 1:08

#62 I mentioned this on another FML, but am I the only one sick of 's/he' and 'wo/man'? You could have just used 'adult' or 'person' to cover both genders...

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5907228 - Monday 7 April 2014 4:50

the thing is #72, I don't keep track of your comments, nor do I care what you're sick of.

By PossiblyInDanger | 24

#5906702 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Just remember, it could always be worse. At least no one was having sex.

buckeyed | 20

#5906825 - Sunday 6 April 2014 20:24

"Hang on babe; I need to call my mom about the dishwasher."

Sirmrcrowley | 12

#5907127 - Monday 7 April 2014 2:54

You don't know what kind of question she had about the dishwasher!! Could've been "how do I make this thing rock n roll like the washer"??

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5907329 - Monday 7 April 2014 7:54

do we know that for sure?

By Shmizlish | 9

#5906703 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Family bonding time

Godsofdracos | 15

#5906974 - Monday 7 April 2014 0:46

Easy there Oedipus.

da_best_eva | 9

#5907318 - Monday 7 April 2014 7:17

I would like that comment, but it has a perfect 69 likes lol

By juststephhere | 23

#5906704 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Can't get much worse than that...

Polynomial | 28

#5906719 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:28

What if was naked too? Or one of them had peanut butter om there genetles? Assuming one of them has a large dog. OP

EpicSquishii | 21

#5906734 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:53

*genitals

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5906942 - Sunday 6 April 2014 23:32

nothing worse than "peanut better om there genetles" right?

...

By Jellybellybeanz | 22

#5906705 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:13

How does that even happen??? And eww! Why would you answer the phone in the bathroom?? When call me and I'm in there, I just call back after. They do not need to hear what's going on

Jellybellybeanz | 22

#5906711 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:16

*when someone calls me

NeatNit | 32

#5906749 - Sunday 6 April 2014 18:19

This is just what happens when people use technology. More accurately misuse technology.

Most people can't understand the simplest, most intuitive features. It drives me mad.