Miscellaneous: Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher....

By FaceTime issues - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

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Miscellaneous

BO Central

Triage

Like riding a bike

By Jean - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

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By yuck - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

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By archer - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

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27616

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By Telley21 - United States - Rexburg

He had to find out eventually!

Today, I made my boyfriend a beautiful dinner of seafood and rice. This was the first time I could afford lobster, and thought it would be a great treat for us both. I learned that this was the first time he has eaten lobster, and he learned that he is allergic. FML

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7109

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By frustrated - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

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By now my watch begins - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

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4796

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

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By NotThePotty - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

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24398

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By Anonymous - Canada - Galt

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

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By I hate my brother - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

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24834

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By FriendsSuck - United States

Today, I was leaving a cafe with some of my friends. I had to sit in the back by myself. I opened the door when I saw an old woman needing help getting to her car because it was raining. I shut the door and went to help. My friends thought I had gotten in. I was left in the rain with no phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

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29804

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

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39522

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By yuen - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

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37487

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By fire0fisis - United States

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

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49023

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By 99520 - United States

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

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40311

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By Username - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

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14177

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By Joey - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

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21798

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 15:30 - United States - Putney

Deadlines whooshing by

Today, my Computer Science professor posted an assignment that's due right before our Monday class… on Monday morning. I wouldn't have even thought to check for assignments this morning if he hadn't done the same thing last week. FML

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904

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By So I can go now then?

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

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2599

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233

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By Sanchez - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

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43379

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By Getmeoutofhere - Australia

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

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4266

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By AshlynnPrime - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

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41605

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

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33646

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By username - United States

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

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38454

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By Hrothebert - 20/3/2021 02:00

New Man

Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML

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By Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

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28042

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By Franigirl - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

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39883

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

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27882

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By Anonymous - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

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48680

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

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28404

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By Lifes_overated - Australia

Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML

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25003

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

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47393

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By YOURMOM - United States

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

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29962

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By daniella101 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

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29157

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By Fml24609 - United States

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

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9784

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

I CAN HEAR YOU

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

748

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102

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By Lostring

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

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3059

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By Typicalwhitechick

Today, I finally have a day to go to the library and read for hours. Today is also a playday event for toddlers. In the library. FML

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4632

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By Baegel - United States - Havertown

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

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Top comments

By Daonna | 9

#5906701 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:11

Well at least you weren't naked too?

By PossiblyInDanger | 24

#5906702 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Just remember, it could always be worse. At least no one was having sex.

COMMENTS

By blueboy154 | 12

#5906700 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:10

That happened to me before...

Stazza11 | 27

#5906721 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:29

But did you get the help you needed?

da_best_eva | 9

#5906730 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:42

I didn't realize that this was a problem for multiple people.

tiernang | 21

#5906755 - Sunday 6 April 2014 18:44

But there are two people in the call, so it has to be a problem for multiple people lol

thefastnfuryass | 14

#5906768 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:21

I hear it's a liberating experience to seen one's mother naked and without her knowledge of knowing she accepted the video call.

blueboy154 | 12

#5906773 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:25

Guys I was kidding

da_best_eva | 9

#5906914 - Sunday 6 April 2014 22:55

#31 true, but you know what I meant

kangx1 | 28

#5907139 - Monday 7 April 2014 3:08

Did you guys have an hour long talk about your penis?

By Daonna | 9

#5906701 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:11

Well at least you weren't naked too?

DarkQuise | 6

#5906767 - Sunday 6 April 2014 19:18

because its his mother who cares if he seen it before thats still awkward

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5906941 - Sunday 6 April 2014 23:29

there's a difference between a naked baby and a naked grown wo/man

Stylux_fml | 16

#5906984 - Monday 7 April 2014 1:08

#62 I mentioned this on another FML, but am I the only one sick of 's/he' and 'wo/man'? You could have just used 'adult' or 'person' to cover both genders...

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5907228 - Monday 7 April 2014 4:50

the thing is #72, I don't keep track of your comments, nor do I care what you're sick of.

By PossiblyInDanger | 24

#5906702 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Just remember, it could always be worse. At least no one was having sex.

buckeyed | 20

#5906825 - Sunday 6 April 2014 20:24

"Hang on babe; I need to call my mom about the dishwasher."

Sirmrcrowley | 12

#5907127 - Monday 7 April 2014 2:54

You don't know what kind of question she had about the dishwasher!! Could've been "how do I make this thing rock n roll like the washer"??

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5907329 - Monday 7 April 2014 7:54

do we know that for sure?

By Shmizlish | 9

#5906703 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Family bonding time

Godsofdracos | 15

#5906974 - Monday 7 April 2014 0:46

Easy there Oedipus.

da_best_eva | 9

#5907318 - Monday 7 April 2014 7:17

I would like that comment, but it has a perfect 69 likes lol

By juststephhere | 23

#5906704 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:12

Can't get much worse than that...

Polynomial | 28

#5906719 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:28

What if was naked too? Or one of them had peanut butter om there genetles? Assuming one of them has a large dog. OP

EpicSquishii | 21

#5906734 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:53

*genitals

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5906942 - Sunday 6 April 2014 23:32

nothing worse than "peanut better om there genetles" right?

...

By Jellybellybeanz | 22

#5906705 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:13

How does that even happen??? And eww! Why would you answer the phone in the bathroom?? When call me and I'm in there, I just call back after. They do not need to hear what's going on

Jellybellybeanz | 22

#5906711 - Sunday 6 April 2014 17:16

*when someone calls me

NeatNit | 32

#5906749 - Sunday 6 April 2014 18:19

This is just what happens when people use technology. More accurately misuse technology.

Most people can't understand the simplest, most intuitive features. It drives me mad.