Health: Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 378

You deserved it 3 498

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

There's no helping some people

Slow moving accident

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 00:10 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Spicy

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 322

You deserved it 3 068

By 2k16 - 17/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 1 667

By cheesy grin - 11/06/2018 19:00

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 934

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 805

You deserved it 9 615

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 3 232

By Ido - 26/08/2010 20:06 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend from the top of a bungee jumping platform at an amusement park. I yelled out, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" from the platform, pointing her out. Turns out, I was pointing at the wrong girl. My girlfriend was very angry and ran away when the wrong girl yelled, "Yes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 925

You deserved it 16 086

By oh my dad - 13/02/2013 16:45 - United States - Florence

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 28 925

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23 310

You deserved it 2 168

By Anonymous - 30/04/2015 02:08 - United States - Gardnerville

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 917

You deserved it 3 562

By Username - 15/08/2011 21:38 - United States

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 465

You deserved it 3 947

By why.mom - 21/08/2019 00:01

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 064

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 13:49 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 753

You deserved it 3 753

By why me - 22/05/2011 23:09

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 36 958

By mass message - 16/10/2011 00:47 - Canada

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 071

You deserved it 69 798

By bingalingading - 03/01/2015 01:46 - United States - Owosso

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 599

You deserved it 2 473

By Ohgodmother - 28/02/2014 09:06 - Australia - Hobart

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 323

You deserved it 3 978

By outofluckatcollege - 27/08/2016 07:33 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 852

You deserved it 1 445

By facepalm - 02/05/2019 00:00

Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 218

By Cheer4Life - 11/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Bloomington

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 10 157

By BadMurderer - 31/07/2009 04:01 - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 918

You deserved it 3 848

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 721

You deserved it 18 660

Compassionate

By crap - 17/07/2020 05:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 139

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 380

You deserved it 895

By carssuck - 02/02/2012 10:28 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 357

You deserved it 2 509

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 2 018

By Anonymous - 02/02/2010 15:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 090

You deserved it 3 085

By takeiteasy - 07/01/2009 03:58 - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 646

You deserved it 34 446

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 567

You deserved it 39 883

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 46 021

By foreveralone - 13/01/2014 01:00 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 135

You deserved it 7 123

Bounced

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at a metal concert and I met a really cute girl. We got talking, and started getting close. We were about to kiss during the transitional period between 2 bands, but I was then pulled away by her father, who owned the venue. I was thrown out. Before the main act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 219

By lbailey32 - 04/02/2014 01:30 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 223

You deserved it 4 447

I miss him

By Anonymous - 24/02/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 411

By MoneyMike - 12/03/2009 00:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 939

You deserved it 11 862

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 14/08/2021 17:00 - Turkey - Eskisehir

Today, I'd been talking to this girl for 3 months, and she finally agreed on a date. We got drinks and food, then she said, "I'm just going to the bathroom", then never came back, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 102

By Some Guy - 12/10/2015 00:54 - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a 2 year old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me and started crying and stabbed me right in my foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 142

You deserved it 2 727

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 14 992

By Anonymous - 10/10/2010 09:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 892

You deserved it 27 124

Bored

By POP-o-popo - 04/02/2021 17:01

Today, school finally opened up using a hybrid schedule. Unfortunately, two of my teachers were quarantined and half of the school was on Zoom. I spent two hours in the library doing nothing with a mask on. Everyone else was on Zoom in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 99

By Biologyfacepalm - 03/03/2014 19:58 - United States

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 630

You deserved it 4 901

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

BeautifulDizaztr 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:16

kick him square in the balls to "see his reaction".

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:07

Kick his ass! Some friend you got there.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:06

unrucky!

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:09

I love doing tht to people haha it's funny lol

hairt 4

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:19

you must be a complete asshole #3. tsktsktsk. -shakes head- op that seriously sucks. get better soon :)

MissErikaHart 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:28

and ur reaction was to cry about it on fml. that friend pwns u

cantfightfate 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:44

16 that's what this website is about. if they didn't, this website wouldn't exist. and that is a pretty dick thing to do.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:51

I hate people like that but there's still no reason to cry about on fml unless if they broke it again or something.

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 20:08

let me guess... AHHHHHHH!!!! F***!!! F***IN MOTHER F***ER!!!!!

tweetbaby14 18

Friday 17 September 2010 20:44

you should've kicked him in the crotch to see his reaction

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 21:05

#50 let me guess... AHHHHHHH!!!! F***!!! F***IN MOTHER F***ER!!!!!

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 22:01

Wow #56! That's super intense. haha

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 22:01

I'd lol at that

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 23:14

your friends a dumbass

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 23:16

you're so heartless ... op will break another toy...

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 23:24

haha #56 is a win!!!

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 0:45

56, he was joking, dumbass.

iSitt 0

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 1:06

Now you have to go back to the doc for another X-ray to check if anything got worse.

mooshibear140 4

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 1:32

Sounds like something I would pretend I'm going to do to scare the shit out of my friends by making them think I'm gonna do it, but not really do it in the end. :)

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 6:30

Jokes aren't always humorous, asshole. Sit down, shut up, and get the fuck over yourself.

MissErikaHart 0

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 13:12

oh yea and ur just a regular fuckin comedian aren't u? when u said the shit about curb stomping was that supposed to b funny? cuz if u were trying to b funny there then I would say that was a "bad joke" so were u serious? u know ur big words and long drawn out explanations make u look like a total loser. I don't think anyone is impressed. and if that's just how u talk than IMO u talk like a Fag

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 15:51

^.^ best. comment. ever.

aaliyahbaybee 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 September 2010 3:06

Lmfao

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 September 2010 3:00

#26 It was ALREADY BROKEN YOU IDIOT. OP, I hope that you are no longer friends with that dipshit and I hope that he gets killed. Brainless fucking idiots like that should not be on this earth.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:07

Kick his ass! Some friend you got there.

WeaponsOfMassDDD 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 20:01

make sure u use the foot that doesn't have the broken toe.....

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 0:25

hahah

Kurg 0

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 0:39

jeez what an asshole what has the world come to today? "Friends" are now the people who hurt you and play pranks on you just to be funny or see what happens

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 11:29

true these things happen yls

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 March 2014 3:16

I see a flaw in your plan

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 March 2014 3:18

I see a major flaw in your plan

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:10

I would have punched him/her in the face

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:21

after you crawled up from the floor where you cried like a little girl?

idonthaveanameok 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:11

Make sure you do the same thing to your friend. break their toe on purpose and step on it with cowboy boots.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:53

or he/she should wear those steel toe boots and kick him/her in the shin as hard as she can

Send a private message

Monday 20 September 2010 4:45

or in the crotch.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:12

haha.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:13

this is boring

BeautifulDizaztr 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:16

kick him square in the balls to "see his reaction".

ilovedietcoke 0

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 0:48

hell yeah!

Send a private message

Saturday 18 September 2010 9:52

lmfao.

BambooSwitches 0

Send a private message

Sunday 3 October 2010 9:58

I agree. hard. or with your cast or steel toe boots

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:18

i fucking hate ppl like that quit hanging out with him he is just a fag and always will be

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:32

And I hate people that call people fags.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:40

and I hate people that hate people that call people fags

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:45

and i hate people that keep writing hate when there is no point.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 20:06

And I hate people.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 20:13

I miss video games.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 21:00

SAILING MISHAP! I'm going to miss her. I'm going to miss video games.

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 21:27

What's happening to video games? 0.o

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:20

fuck him i hate ppl like him quit hanging out with him hes a fag and always will be. find new freinds anti flood can eat it

WeaponsOfMassDDD 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 20:04

I'm so sick of that antiflood shit I'm bout to detonate

Send a private message

Friday 17 September 2010 19:23

sounds like something i could have done. but only if i thought you were joking :P fyl

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 108

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 50