By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Spicy
Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML
I agree, your life sucks 20 971
You deserved it 45 424

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Top comments

Well, it's not good for the quality of the condom to keep them in your wallet anyway.

lissa_jade 22

"don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die." looks like drunk you was remembering coach carr's sex ed lesson. he was just looking out for you!

Comments

Why the fuck would you let the wrapper in your wallet?

Because he was drunk

So did you finish, OP?

They still could have done certain things to each other if they wanted to. But that moment probably killed the mood.

Well, it's not good for the quality of the condom to keep them in your wallet anyway.

A slightly poorer quality condom >>>>> no condom at all

Obviously they shouldn't have sex without a condom. But if they were going to proceed anyway, a low quality condom IS better than nothing. It's more likely to break, but chance of breaking and sharing fluids >definitely sharing fluids

Okay, if the condom is literally broken open then ofcourse it's not gonna work...we are talking about a condom you sit on cuz it's in your wallet. It might be a little roughed up, but if there's no tears than it's still better then no condom

#69 - It's not always to do with tears. Any condom kept somewhere enclosed, like a wallet, will get warm and the heat is what can make it less protective. The rubber can end up wearing through quicker with the friction... If you'll excuse the wording.

I would say that no condom is better because that would probably lead to no sex. A bad condom could lead to sex with unwanted consequences.

I'm sorry, but you should've checked your wallet. Maybe that'll help you remember for next time.

Re-read the FML. He did check his wallet.

I meant he should check his wallet before he goes out next time. Or am I mis-interpreting this FML?

What I kind of gathered was perhaps he already had had sex? I don't know...

Always keep spares bro, especially if you're at your house. That's gotta be the #1 rule of being single >.

Isn't that what a night stand is for anyways?

Nightstands are… for… one night stands?! D: MIND BLOWN!

You deserve it for putting one in your WALLET.

What if he would have gone to her place? "shit babe, sorry I don't keep one on me when i go to a bar to try and get lucky..."

She should keep a stash too. It takes two to tango and all that...

I always keep em in my sock, or a pocket. Keeps me focused on my goal for the night

They say not to put them in your wallet for a reason.. It's warm against your body then cools down when you take it out, you can't do that with latex. It will break. Not saying that taking random bar filth home is a good way to meet people.

Women can keep condoms too.

lissa_jade 22

"don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die." looks like drunk you was remembering coach carr's sex ed lesson. he was just looking out for you!

Don't have sex in the missionary position, dont do it standing up, just don't do it!.... Alrite now everyone grab some rubbers.... Hehe I luv that movie

You only have one condom in your whole house? (Zero, actually.) Don't you think you might ever want to go for Round 2, or do you plan on passing out after the first load?

he probably just wanted to roll off, grab is oversized belly, make loud satisfied grunting sounds, and catch the end of "the game"as most stereotypical guys would

His only load now will go into tissue or a toilet.....

...Or his belly.

Eew too much detail! The mental picture you guys created cannot be unseen! o.O

@21... These guys could give a waaayyyy worst explanation. They left it up to your mind to fill in the in between. This is the Internet, get used to it. I will now go into detail of how he finished his desire without the girl. The girl had then said **** this ****. She then proceeded to leave. The guy was seriously disappointed in himself and started to undress. He took off his shirt, his pants, his shoes. He then proceeded to get on his bed and assume a comfortable position, then took a sleeping pill. The end.

on the face of the girl

#25 you take your pills only once you've entered a comfortable position which you'd need to move from to take a sleeping pill? That's almost defeating the purpose...

WHAT the HECK goes on in your mind #25?! It must be disturbing to see, what you see. Sleeping pills?! No, just no!

33, you act like sleeping pills are deadly narcotics. Most on the market today, especially the hormonal supplement melatonin, are completely harmless when used as directed.

I was being sarcastic. I guess I shouldn't do that over the internet.

Is this an April fools joke on you getting a girl over , haha

I hope for your sake you didn't power through anyways... And if you did then its possible ill be seeing a baby daddy post about it in the next couple of weeks.

Go to Plan B, where B stands for blowjob. After she's done blowing you, pass out (or pretend to do so.) Later, when you wake up you can examine her sleeping carcass and decide to make a clean getaway* or to invest in a three-pack of condoms for your first date. *this involves buying a new house. In some cases, it's worth it.

Diseases can still be transferred over a blowjob. It's not just the "getting pregnant" aspect that should be watched.

#22, it's very unlikely to get an STD from oral sex, so in the risk/reward analysis, it is so worth it!

It still can happen. I wouldn't want to try it, just because the risk is low. As I said, it still can happen.

What if the guy was really hot and this was your only chance with him?

Herpes has mutated in a way that it can directly be transmitted from face to genital contact, and I'd hate to get scabies in my mustache...

But regardless, Eva Mendez can give me herpes anyday... #guystuff #swagyolo420

#27, #31 states what I'm thinking. And #32 supports what I'm about to write. I can understand guys might want to do this with a hot girl, but most girls won't feel a huge desire to get an STD, no matter how hot the guy.

Bacon, you're a buzz kill go home

And I was having so nuch fun expressing my oppinion! Then you told me to go home. That's what I call a buzz kill.

Oops. Nevermind this comment....

That's so false. HIV transmission is unlikely, but herpes, chlamydia, etc are all transferred through oral contact

#55, thank you! None of the ones you mentioned are deadly, so you might as well take your chances and enjoy a nice blowjob.

I give up. That was not what I ment. Next time I'll comment only when I am shure how to say what I mean.

And *sure* how to spell

I grew up speaking two languages, so, naturally, I spell some stuff wrong. Good that there's gramar nazis, so I don't make the same mistakes again.

Never seen perdix get burried before now.