Intimacy: Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting...

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 007

You deserved it 45 568

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Same thing different taste

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 972

You deserved it 9 411

By ohgodwhyfml - 28/11/2015 14:32 - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 947

You deserved it 3 210

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 717

You deserved it 5 262

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 115

You deserved it 34 773

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 446

You deserved it 42 529

To do what?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 02:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 198

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 573

You deserved it 797 900

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 1 726

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 903

You deserved it 46 457

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 274

You deserved it 12 350

Squygm 7

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:06

Well, it's not good for the quality of the condom to keep them in your wallet anyway.

lissa_jade 22

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:11

"don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die." looks like drunk you was remembering coach carr's sex ed lesson. he was just looking out for you!

Comments

blink_kid 32

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:48

At least drunk you used a condom.

attitude_angel 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:59

Or tried, anyway

Jharrist89 12

Tuesday 2 April 2013 10:11

Maybe it was a sign that you shouldn't bang her?

ryan112 12

Tuesday 2 April 2013 10:14

YDI. What man doesn't have a stash of condoms somewhere in his house?

asherm 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 11:19

Of course if she was smart, she'd carry a few in purse. Or maybe she doesn't use them, so there's a sign....

coldsteelstu 4

Tuesday 2 April 2013 13:05

besides having an empty wrapper in your wallet. you took her back to your place..... not like it was some random park or bathroom. you haven't done this to often have you. you always have condoms at home.

TisAPenguin 16

Tuesday 2 April 2013 15:25

This is why I used to carry condoms. Chicks don't understand that they can take responsibility too.

TheJester12 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 15:47

I believe this would be the time to tell her that the emperors new clothes actually just came out with a planned parenthood section at Walmart . " so thin you can't even SEE it ! " amazing !

Ziggy122 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:03

Hey, at least you remembered to protect yourself when you were drunk...

Ali_Br_fml 33

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:20

For some reason, it reminded me of the Eddie Murphy movie the Nutty Professor. Drunk you is the skinny you, a total jerk... Either that or drunk you really likes to jerk it in a condom... Lol