Miscellaneous: Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section...

By mannydanny - 01/09/2011 23:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 122

You deserved it 5 016

Miscellaneous

New life

Quite the journey

Nice place

By manutdlol - 13/12/2009 06:15 - Malaysia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 434

You deserved it 6 457

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 227

By squizzlebee - 24/02/2017 03:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I saw on Facebook that a friend left her job where I also used to work, as she posted a picture of her farewell gifts, including cards, balloons and cookies. Normally, I'd be happy for her, except when I left I was told they'd "stopped doing farewell presents", and as such, I'd got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 438

You deserved it 716

By Jimbo - 25/05/2010 09:29 - United States

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 271

You deserved it 2 788

Hazing rituals have to stop

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I woke up again from another nightmare about my university's hazing fallout. Every time I see their faces in these dreams, I remember how they got away with everything, including trying to end us as they searched for the first year snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 178

By SiegFail - 23/11/2017 05:00

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 049

You deserved it 298

By izzy46111 - 11/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 887

You deserved it 5 133

By screwed - 30/07/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 3 061

By suppressinggags - 18/03/2016 19:45 - United States - Kennett

Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 460

You deserved it 1 227

By chill - 17/12/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 564

You deserved it 4 268

By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 475

You deserved it 2 538

By Anonymous - 25/03/2009 04:48 - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 589

You deserved it 81 176

By BagBoy - 13/11/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 737

You deserved it 3 022

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 573

You deserved it 9 540

By corn - 03/06/2011 01:44 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 224

You deserved it 3 282

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 854

You deserved it 3 023

All in the Family

By weedvocate - 25/03/2020 14:02

Today, my mother brought home dinner for 4 people. I was not one of those people. The dog, however, was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 126

By dwek - 15/05/2009 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 854

You deserved it 61 274

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 359

You deserved it 4 216

By whatgoesaround - 15/08/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 524

You deserved it 56 273

By KaLa - 08/02/2009 16:30 - Canada

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 441

You deserved it 4 216

Simp

By Anonymous - 23/06/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 410

You deserved it 39 410

By Noname - 08/03/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 629

You deserved it 4 470

By Mr. Sniffles - 23/03/2015 15:43 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 089

You deserved it 2 606

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 17:26 - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 183

You deserved it 55 201

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 051

You deserved it 16 850

By teeth - 30/01/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 235

You deserved it 45 760

The Laws of Attraction

By mhogan - 10/03/2020 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was skiing and crashed into a tree. It was the only tree on the slope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 490

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 869

You deserved it 2 848

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 123

You deserved it 2 964

By dynah114 - 27/01/2013 19:08 - Israel - Petah Tiqva

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 257

You deserved it 2 458

Oh, hello there

By Jon - 18/01/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 569

You deserved it 8 824

By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/02/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 306

You deserved it 11 570

By I was just following orders! - 04/10/2018 12:00

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 205

You deserved it 572

By no - 11/09/2014 01:47 - United States - Worcester

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 106

You deserved it 3 430

By scratchy - 08/02/2011 21:39

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 135

You deserved it 2 728

Incognito browsing

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 23:00

Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 2 161

By trees - 24/07/2013 16:44 - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 248

You deserved it 2 910

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 761

You deserved it 2 119

By jessiegirl - 22/08/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 6 451

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Top comments

RJM_isaBeast 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:41

Lmfao at least your dad has a sense of humor.

kaengelangeleyes 9

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:54

Lmao this sounds like something my dad would say. My dad says he only had kids so he could have free slaves. :( lol

killerkiss92 8

Friday 2 September 2011 8:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:47

It's nawd a tumuh!

brrarm 17

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:53

What an idiot. That kind of people have to be removed like a Tumor from the society.

KiwiExchange 16

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:12

It's okay! That means I was removed like a tumor too! At least you're not the only one :D

ItsTheKing 10

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:17

I was removed like a tumor too. D: you should gave told him he was a mistake.

krazy_glu3 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:19

No, you just came out of your moms abgina. Still counts.

sxe_beast 11

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:30

If I need my father in the crotch he would kick my ass after recovering and then kick me out... You people need to grow a sense of humor. Why so serious?

btnhdude 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:46

lol you need your father in a crotch.

jizzwold 21

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:52

Times it is appropriate to knee a male in the crotch •you are being raped •you are in fear for your life Times it is inappropriate to knee a male in the crotch •someone made you feel bad

sxe_beast 11

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Friday 2 September 2011 10:53

Sorry, I meant kneed, which I guess isn't really a word? Damn iPhone.

MerrikBarbarian 9

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Friday 2 September 2011 11:20

never trust iPhones.., mine Kees telling me rot isn't a real word and correcting it to ray, eat and rat o-o

shadypalmtree 20

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Tuesday 7 October 2014 1:31

that would just kill the future baby tumours

SprungOnVixNutz 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:40

aww, dont feel bad, i doubt ur as dreadful as a tumor lol

RJM_isaBeast 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:41

Lmfao at least your dad has a sense of humor.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:52

There's no humor in a tumor :(

DCFan 9

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:25

Clearly you havn't seen kindergarten cop.

CreeperIRL 14

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Friday 2 September 2011 10:45

"it's not a tuma!!!"

TGRandom 5

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:42

Go malignant and destroy him!!!

lakaiskate 12

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:44

Your dad is very humorous but in a sick way!

starfish7 18

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:44

I agree, your dad has a good sense of humor.

thatnucca 36

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:50

What a dick?!

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Friday 2 September 2011 8:54

What a question?!

crymore007 11

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Friday 2 September 2011 9:31

Hey no need to make fun of 9! 9 was just looking down their pants and was surprised to find a dick there. they just forgot the comma; "What, a dick?!" oh and 9 gratz on your 123rd comment ^^