Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML
Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML
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Top comments
RJM_isaBeast 0
Lmfao at least your dad has a sense of humor.
kaengelangeleyes 9
Lmao this sounds like something my dad would say. My dad says he only had kids so he could have free slaves. :( lol
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Comments (46)
yamatelle 19
I think I'd rather be told that I came into the world through a C-Section, and not because my dad couldn't afford abortion for he had just bough brand new furniture from IKEA when he found out my mum was pregnant.
Mokiikom_fml 8
LOL I've always made that joke about my own birth, so I laughed so hard to see there's other people who say it like that too. It's nothing bad, jeez some of the other comments are so violent about it!! It's just a joke, chill out people. It sounds bad for the OP but it's also so funny. (And the OP thinks it's funny too or they wouldn't have posted it here. Clearly they're not actually hurt by the comment if they react by posting it in a comedy site!)
Mokiikom_fml 8
No joking, the way babies function and are classified in theory is really a parasite! Although they're welcome parasites since we love them, but still, theoretically speaking it's the same as that. lol
Ballzdeepinya 0
Hahahahahaha. That's one o the funniest things I've ever herd.
RainbowHeadache 2
What kind of herd?
slushpup9696 12
Probably sheep.
beebeeL 1
LOL
Im_Mousey 1
I was a surgically removed tumor too! We can cry together.
mzblondiee 0
:O I was one too. Psh
DropDead77 11
I was also surgically removed, never thought about it that way :/
bratprince 0
Your dad has a great sense of tumor!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone loves babies. Some of us really do see them as nothing but parasites.
curlyfry33 8
That wouldev been funny, if u dint copy it...