Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my...

By Nicos - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28822

You deserved it

6188

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Intimacy

Messed up

Age ain't nothing but a number

Not now, mom!

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 05:07

It's not THAT hard

Today, I found out how hard it is to actually change light bulbs. I work with electricians. FML

I agree, your life sucks

518

You deserved it

204

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By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33059

You deserved it

9350

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By chichi - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29912

You deserved it

3452

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By - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2300

That could've happened to me

388

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received the "employee of the month" title from the job I was fired from last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25928

You deserved it

1816

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By Mike - United States

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22560

You deserved it

5209

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By IdiotNursingStudent - United States - Belton

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33554

You deserved it

14451

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By cydia123

Today, my boss threatened to fire me. Why? An old lady spent 30 minutes looking at our menu before asking for "cottage pie." After telling her that it wasn't an item on the menu, she spent another 20 minutes deciding. She then asked for several more items we didn't have, then complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1912

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By - 7/2/2020 18:00

Bachelor party

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3050

You deserved it

409

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By Rachel - United States - Waynesburg

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42857

You deserved it

11693

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57720

You deserved it

5051

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By ewmomew - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27546

You deserved it

9278

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By numbnuts - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39407

You deserved it

6020

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By Fcuked - New Zealand

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25513

You deserved it

68406

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42505

You deserved it

10651

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41655

You deserved it

3809

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22544

You deserved it

44817

Favorite

By doggie_doo_face - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26970

You deserved it

9643

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4063

You deserved it

293

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By oops - 31/12/2020 05:00

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

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964

You deserved it

1668

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By Wrongword - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30504

You deserved it

4076

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By lukas - Canada - Lyndhurst

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55733

You deserved it

8421

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By Sprtsgeek13 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

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27331

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34859

You deserved it

9676

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33135

You deserved it

7669

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By Bandgeek

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4885

You deserved it

751

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By zzarzzur - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33753

You deserved it

4278

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By quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

80235

You deserved it

4224

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 08:04

Make your minds up

Today, I was told I was negative for Covid, so I went to buy wine to celebrate. Two hours later, I got a call again, saying I was positive and placed under quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

206

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By devilboy - Australia

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58930

You deserved it

17949

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By Anonymous - United States - Grove City

Today, a childhood friend reached out to me to apologize for our friendship. He was obviously drunk, and admitted that his parents made him become friends with me so that my dad, their landlord, would be easy on them when the rent was short after his mom lost her job. He said he never really liked me and called me a nerd, before hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1686

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54231

You deserved it

5195

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By anonymous - United States - Canoga Park

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13593

You deserved it

44687

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10401

You deserved it

30906

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - London

Paranoia

Today, I asked a girl to move from Tinder to WhatsApp, after 3 weeks of nice chat. She said no way, and that I just wanted nudes and then unmatched. The only intention I had was getting to know her and asking her on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

990

You deserved it

150

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By ana9 - France

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19941

You deserved it

6777

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By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33205

You deserved it

9045

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By Jeimaiku - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34016

You deserved it

2721

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By violatedinden - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45428

You deserved it

2388

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By Kellye - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38218

You deserved it

2503

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Top comments

By moxy_fml | 0

#389 - Friday 6 February 2009 17:49

Bah, I wank all day long, my dick's practically hanging by a thread.

By williamhungftw | 0

#5901 - Monday 23 February 2009 19:05

THATS AWESOMEE. she sounds pretty sweet. = ]

COMMENTS

By moxy_fml | 0

#389 - Friday 6 February 2009 17:49

Bah, I wank all day long, my dick's practically hanging by a thread.

Hunthas | 17

#986173 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 4:48

how did you manage to agree with someone in the future?

cheeseonmyburrit | 0

#1202903 - Saturday 7 August 2010 9:30

I know right?
anyway you still do jack off don't you?

Cjw1220 | 0

#1227835 - Thursday 12 August 2010 10:40

I agree with #713

HahaHillarious1 | 0

#2516856 - Monday 16 May 2011 5:15

Im so smart I actually looked for a

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6415329 - Monday 21 September 2015 1:53

So?!?! Is she wrong? LMFAO

By williamhungftw | 0

#5901 - Monday 23 February 2009 19:05

THATS AWESOMEE. she sounds pretty sweet. = ]

By Lizo_fml | 0

#14436 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 16:56

tooo funny!! sounds like a keeper

By HyperFlirt | 0

#20973 - Sunday 8 March 2009 6:22

XD; LMAO! She's a keeper.

Although, sorry she killed the romantic mood!

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#31010 - Saturday 14 March 2009 6:38

LOL

By Root123 | 0

#34038 - Monday 16 March 2009 4:53

She knows you so well.

By ComputerAnalysis | 0

#67051 - Sunday 29 March 2009 15:26

That's just funny.

By Etc80 | 0

#86161 - Monday 6 April 2009 5:31

Take a joke. She sounds cool.

By 24788 | 6

#161621 - Saturday 2 May 2009 7:11

lol, that's a good joke.

By Roddsy | 0

#164859 - Sunday 3 May 2009 19:08

loll she sounds awesome =]