Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
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Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
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Comments (111)
Ninjerman 7
Eat a couple.of buckthorn berries. They are a gentle laxative. (Make sure they don't mess with your meds first though)
WolfLady 18
Eat black licorice. It's a natural laxative.
Lunacy91 7
Osmotic laxatives are very safe to use even long term whereas manual evacuation can cause massive problems down the road. I recommend talking to your doctor or pharmacist asap.
PegLegRacing 34
Get a stool softener for the constipation...
Scarylizard1798 23
Sounds like a...pain in the ass XD
popper668 11
don't lie you love it
jmacfan1 16
The medicine I take causes constipation as well. Trust me when I say fiber is your friend
burberryrox 4
That just made me throw up a little in my mouth... Anyway i know whats its like to be constipated i feel for you but maybe go and tell the doctor the side effects are really bad
Muttley9 13
Water. 64 ounces or more. Add bran flakes as a cereal (it absorbs moisture) as well. Welcome to old people stuff, and I'm sorry for you issues with this OP.
KxHoneyCombxP 24
eat lots of spinach, broccoli, and other fiber rich fruits and veggies, use stool softeners, and take fiber tablets. your doctor should have recommended this to you.