Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (111)
Alorithan 16
I was just going to say "shitty", but I'll take the high road. What an awful shituation you're in OP.
thegrandchawhee 8
Such vivid imagery...tell me more...
nikki151 21
Omg
dirty_dan_ 15
That's shitty man XD
chaseafterwind82 29
*shudders* I can't unread this...
KaidensCrow 18
oh man that's awful. drink lots of water, exercise, eat plenty of fibers, and fruits are your friends. grapes work well. keep moving and it'll help. take a stool softener if you need to, or get an enema if you must. suppositories (sp?) talk to your doctor about this. it's really not safe to be digging shit out of your ass repeatedly. you really don't want to weaken the muscles, and your intestines really aren't that thick. if you puncture the wall you could go into toxic shock... literally poisoning yourself with your own shit.... man I was eating a piece of chocolate
imtiredtoo 5
Because of a surgery I have issues with the way my body tears down food. I can't digest fats, oils or greens so sometimes I have dire stomach problems. What's keeping me on track is eating one egg a day. Works every time
Sparx1_1 16
There are so many simple, safe ways to prevent medication related constipation that I won't even bother except to say that google is your friend - unless you are an idiot. YDI
Romania_girl_3 7
sad sad day!!
Kaye1456 2
You could try prune juice. It doesn't taste the best but it always works for me. :)