Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
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Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
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Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
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Comments (111)
Jemstar 4
your on opioid?
ladyg228 15
Prune juice and lots of it stat!
lvg_fml 10
Lots of fluids and olive and coconut oil. Also go to dr Schulz website and get intestinal formula one. He's based in California and his products are awesome and work wonders
sunny354wi 8
Go stuff yourself....wait...you already did!! Seriously TMI man...even for FML!!
southern__chic 15
My mom is actually a nurse and she's had people doing the same thing which can actually cause a lot of health issues. There's other options besides other medications. Like prunes and warm prune juice and various other things like that.
Xion0014 20
Why didn't i think of this? Doctors lied to me!!!
birdybirdchirp 18
haha man if only you were #1
samlovesham1234 9
Let's see, there's glycerine supositories, fibre and water. Try one, the other or a combination of the three. Exercise should also help. The enema should be a last resort.
Theater_Chef_3 30
Flax seeds are a natural and healthy laxative keep that in mind, also they're flavorless so you can just mix them in with cereal or yogurt in the morning
CrazedSanity 17
If it's that bad TELL YOUR DOCTOR. In the meantime, get some over the counter stool softner and laxatives. Seriously though, see your doctor!