Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
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Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
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Comments (111)
Izzyduck07 24
man, tie that in with hemorrhoids and you'll have a real party.... sorry though, that really sucks
katkash_hash32 4
I guess that's just how the shit crumbles...heh..
pandoraisme 14
You do know there is medication for constipation, and there is a doctor who prescribed your medication that caused your constipation that can recommend the right medication to relieve your adverse reactions. Digging up your own ass with a glove is not the answer.
Shade1982 21
There may be several medical reasons op has to take this medication.
protoskore 27
Enemas can be much more full-filling/feeling
LegionRapier61 8
Ok for real, **** you. I could have gone my entire life without knowing somewhere there is some miserable guy having to practically fist his ass hole so he can poop!!! Goddamnit! this is worse than those ******* starving animal commercials that come on at ******* 2 in the morning!! Because now I just feel bad and slightly disturbed... So is there like a hot line to call and donate so that you can get laxitives?
lanny22 1
It's called colace!
spencer3000 9
Well shit
LuckyDuckie 16
Jesus Christ.
thruglazedeyes 1
Welcome to the wonderful world of methadone mate
cassm 7
dude. 2 words. stool softeners