Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
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Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
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Comments (111)
lb_79 4
Stool softeners took days to work when I had this same problem after the medication I was given from Surgery. Believe me this is the last resort but sometimes the only way! :(
madimags 8
You did not have to tell anyone that.
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
Running a few hours is also a great laxative
miriamfrank 22
Laxatives, enemas, and drink hot olive oil lemon water.
joshi42 16
Look at the bright side: at least you don't have to take a piss out of yourself.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I gotta stop reading FML while eating breakfast...
BandFeels 18
TMI!!!
fugiecakes 3
If you dig to much you can tear the inner wall of your rectum and bleep to death.
jeremeyraye 12
.......
ViviMage 40
Mineral oil can also help. It isn't digestible so it passes out in the stool. I found this out trying to use it inside my nose and nature migrates things in the nose to your stomach. It has a laxative effect.