Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
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Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, my friend was extremely constipated when he used my toilet. I'm now having to go buy a new toothbrush, because he used mine to dig out his shit. FML
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Top comments
TMramrod 15
That's enough internet for today.
YBae 27
I guess using laxatives with your medication isn't recommended...?
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Comments (111)
Elyas83 4
My wife has to do this, not fun.
Lilkat39 5
Jesus Christ, just drink a lot of w ater you moron!! everyone is talking about taking laxatives, but it can be combated by drinking water. It hurts my soul that using a rubber glove to dig it out of your ass came to mind before drinking a ******* glass of water. you should be drinking 2 liters of water a day normally, without any medication.
Unikorni 3
I can tell you water is not a laxative. I'm currently on similar medication and I drink upto 4 liters a day and still struggle to shit. Flax seeds have been my solution.
ViviMage 40
You can perforate your rather thin bowel lining, lose muscle tension, and basically end up dependent on the glove. Try prunes or figs.
mbock 15
get someone else to dig it out
confused_wandere 26
Are you volunteering #46?
xenawpwa 4
Some things should only be shared with your doctor. This clearly is one of them!
hoosiergirl94 31
I'm not sure I would share this information with the world
tlnorman 18
Take a natural laxative each night, that will help.
momof3honeybee 13
Then the next fml he posts will be about sheet color.
eathendavis 3
Bro, enema, seriously. it simplifies the job.
GeorgiaBea 28
Try a fiber supplement. Or miralax. That happens with my girls at work sometimes.
pinkponypants 12
I have this same problem. Due to a medical condition, I have had to take opiates for over a decade, they cause major constipation..... Once I had a job that required me to have long acrylic nails at all times..... Imagine how much more repugnant that task then became........ Also, I have tried all kinds of things to help, all the things others have already mentioned.... None have really helped enough to be free of this task......
GeorgiaBea 28
I'm not even concerned about the poop, I just want to know what job forced you to have inch long acrylics.
ImTheAlpha 30
Nail salon? Strip club? Seriously what job would require that
pinkponypants 12
Strip club...... I was hoping to not have to say, because I am ashamed of that time in my life.