Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
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By
Ilikeurfmls
| 13
Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".
By
zojieeu
| 6
You are screwed :D
COMMENTS
By
zojieeu
| 6
You are screwed :D
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21jason
| 9
So is he going to make a donation?
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NeDaroft
| 5
I hope his friend will be willing to cumfort him after that
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JurassicHole
| 5
46 - That wasn't very punny.
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tjv3
| 10
That is very unprofessional. No wonder the world is going to hell
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truth_spitta
| 0
75, act your age not your comment number...
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ChrisTheCalm
| 9
You might as well start a sperm bank business, screw that job ! (: you already got a catchy phrase too!
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ttttttyyy
| 0
Act your age not your IQ op.
By
Inferring
| 7
Too many negative votes, comment buried.
Show the comment
Reply
lolfood
| 24
...
Reply
Flyersfan54
| 4
I felt my IQ drop after reading #2's comment.
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Crystal55621
| 19
Go sit down somewhere, #2.
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AwkwardPartyBear
| 24
#2 Wow, half of my braincells commited suicide because of your comment.
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domking1315
| 20
Dafuq did i just read?
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SqueakyChipmunk
| 20
No, but they take it.
Sperm thieves!
Sperm thieves!
Reply
kamakazi1
| 5
40, you just read a stupid FML comment, that's what.
2, that emoticon thing had literally no correlation to your comment.
2, that emoticon thing had literally no correlation to your comment.
Reply
hecallsmedarlin
| 7
^ think about it. #2's emoticon had "literally" everything to do with his comment.
It is a surprised "O" face... Meaning it is a chick with her mouth open. & that there ladies and gentlemen is how girls "make sperm too".
It is a surprised "O" face... Meaning it is a chick with her mouth open. & that there ladies and gentlemen is how girls "make sperm too".
Reply
SmokingUnicorn
| 8
2- You fucking kidding me?
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Il_Maestro
| 6
76- I'm pretty sure you forgot to include logic in your explanation.
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truth_spitta
| 0
Seems to be a pattern 89..
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Inferring
| 7
I was just kidding, obviously girls don't make sperm. Even a 10 year old would know that. Why so serious? :l
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pandarara116
| 4
*facepalm*
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cosmosis
| 12
100- well now you know that! You just got educated...
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pokefan813
| 16
Put down your torches and pitchforks and look at the op's username...
Reply
irishboy352
| 0
I don't want to live on this planet anymore
Reply
Inferring
| 7
110- And you couldn't tell that my comment was a joke... Did you? Good job for assuming though, I applaud for everyones' pathetic assumptions on my intelligence because of one witty joke.
Reply
pavlovaaLOVE
| 7
Joke or not.... I'm pretty sure no ones gonna let you live that down. Thats how 'wtf' it was
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GoldenGrizzly
| 7
"Witty" joke? Inferring I am sorry to say that was a terrible joke and you are not as witty as you want to think you are.
Reply
ttttttyyy
| 0
*sarcastic clapping*
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EagorLuvsBigFoot
| 8
But Inferring, did you seriously think that your joke was funny?
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GetDirtyDoWork
| 1
*slow clap*
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bunniex1
| 11
Yes girls make sperm. Good job Dr. Dipshit.
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BloodMonger13
| 9
so a girl sees a guy and asks what he is doing he replyed going to donate sperm so she asked how much he makes every time he does he replyed 300$ she then told him that she only makes 50 for donating blood the guy leaves and then returns the next day the guy sees the girl sitting there looking at the ceiling and the guy asked what she was doing there she kept stairing at the ceiling and giggled...
Reply
wdd2
| 5
#39, Only half? You're lucky, I think I lost 7/8 of mine.
By
DontClickOnMe
| 28
Well, if you have Caller ID, then you definitely deserve it. I just hope someone wouldn't be that stupid to say that even though they saw it was their boss.
Reply
DocBastard
| 38
Edit: please ignore. Damn posting bug.
Reply
iCake
| 13
Well he says that it was the next call
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lolfood
| 24
Damn it, why do I always click on you?
By
unoffensivename
| 0
Cum on Man y u so stupid
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sariannacanna
| 6
Lmao
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xxblmpknxx
| 10
That he did. A poor attempt at being witty.
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unoffensivename
| 0
I get the sense I'm disliked on FML.
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BlackCube2
| 2
thats some funny shit there
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beastroish
| 0
Hahaha I get it. Instead of c'mon you said cum on. Lol nice. Unless you didn't realize.
Reply
EvilLilCupcake
| 10
122- welcome to the wonderful world of FML! home to grammar Nazis, people who lack the knowledge of how to use a keyboard, and shitty puns! Let me explain. The Shitty puns come first (example, #4's shitty pun) then the people who have have the IQ level of a toad, who misspell and make no sense, then the grammar Nazis swoop in and correct ever little error they can spot.
Now that you are caught up, enjoy the marvelous place that is FML!
Now that you are caught up, enjoy the marvelous place that is FML!
Reply
Axipiter
| 24
People seem not to realize that it's still spelled "come". Retard.
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unoffensivename
| 0
Way to get offensive screw you and your demeaning language
By
Ilikeurfmls
| 13
Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".
Reply
SteffiRose2113
| 4
Oh. My. Goshhh.
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br0ccoli
| 14
Hahaha! Squeeze...freeze. LMAO!
OK I'm done. Carry on.
OK I'm done. Carry on.
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KriiFahMoro
| 9
Don't mind 42, she's just suprised by her own stupidity.
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hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh
| 3
You smack it we sack it
Reply
XtraEzeee
| 8
You yank it, we bank it...
Am I cool now?
Am I cool now?
Reply
robotiick7
| 23
"You spank it, we bank it"
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TheDoctor10
| 28
I've always used "you wank it, we bank it."
By
_streets_
| 19
Hopefully your boss has a sense of humor.
Reply
reddudeover
| 2
They could and STILL not appreciate op jacking around with their business. There's a bounds of reason as to how far someone can go and someone still have a sense of "humor" about it.
Reply
WearingHats
| 14
I think he rubbed him the wrong way.
By
jackii1313
| 9
Way to go! Hopefully you don't get fired!
By
gabe1227
| 1
Very unlucky
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muurph
| 4
you don't say ?
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anon80214
| 15
It's not unlucky it's just stupid.
By
DocBastard
| 38
I hope his response was,
"Hi, this is your boss. I hired you, I fired you."
"Hi, this is your boss. I hired you, I fired you."
Reply
idoam
| 8
Unrelated, but what is your picture of?
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SqueakyChipmunk
| 20
Dislocated prosthetic hip.
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Zomg_Okay
| 26
His latest victi... patient.
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idoam
| 8
Ah! Thanks, 61! I can usually figure them out, but this one had me stumped.
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kakarot2
| 11
I can't see any pictures for some reason... Just a gray square for everyone.
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beastroish
| 0
That sucks. I like seeing the pics
By
mvems
| 13
Bahahah yes!! Your an idiot but your also my hero.
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lolfood
| 24
You're*
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mvems
| 13
Oh how necessary and lovely of you, thanks! Here I was thinking someone had an actual reply, thank god it was you.
Reply
lolfood
| 24
Would you rather me say how hot and pretty you are?
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lolfood
| 24
Plus saying "your an idiot" makes you look like an idiot.
Reply
mvems
| 13
Haha not really I don't where I implied that, but if you must! Settle down I'm joking around with you and my comment about op being an idiot. You seem very invested in your grammar nazism, so dont waste all of your precious time here! Go save the words!
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Myo_fml
| 20
He WAS saving the words, from you. It's not okay to abuse the English language.
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manzylittle3759
| 6
Chill out people. She's sexy, don't you all know that sexy girls can get away with anything?? mvems, I stand behind you.
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mvems
| 13
Hahaha whoa internet commenters are hectic I feel unprepared
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manzylittle3759
| 6
The whole world is hetic. Thus why you must be prepared for anything. :p
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Fasterkill
| 6
You'd be complimenting a fashion model, as that isn't even her.
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mvems
| 13
I change my mind. Ops not my hero anymore. You guys are.
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iloveursister
| 4
Get off of the internet and get a life you stupid ass grammar nazis
Reply
Axipiter
| 24
She changes her mind. Everybody get that?