Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML
Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML
Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML
Today, I was hiding in the toilets at work, catching a quick pee/phone/vape break between patients. Pants down, scrolling my phone, puffing away. Suddenly the stall door opens and my manager is standing in front of me, staring. The stall door latch hadn’t closed properly. Now I can’t look her in the eye. FML
Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year-old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed, but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML
Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML
Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Dude, it's a bathroom. What was she expecting?
allmidnighteyes 11
Maybe OP's vaginal area resembles the forests of Mirkwood? Or perhaps a ruptured whoopee cushion?
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Comments (71)
Kenpachi_fml 0
the hell u take dumps????
JimmyBob_fml 0
I also thought the op was a guy..... because I've never heard a woman use the word "dump" before. You must be a fat gross chick. And if you are a woman.... why would the little girl scream? Did she think that your "dump" was a penis?
allmidnighteyes 11
"And if you are a woman.... why would the little girl scream?" refer to post 12.
CitizenSnipz 0
18 is a Boomer. KILL IT WITH FIRE!
BikerMike 0
******* kids anymore, they scream and you have to send the calvary
i_is_a_tr00l 0
You go to the BATHROOM? You're nasty.
GR3453m0nk3y 4
lmao i literraly lol'd congratulations
iwrotehaikus 0
im confused as to why the little girl was not with her mom, and im also confused as to why security broke in? and i too thought the OP was a man, because why else would the girl scream...?
Sonfang 19
Kids are easily surprised (sometimes) and the bathroom is a place a kid doesn't expect to see a person they don't know exposed to them. As for where was the kids mom? The child maybe was trying to be a "big girl", and told mom to stay outside. Poor OP and poor little girl, they both have been through alot. And all others the word DUMP is used in the female world too; and not just by "fat bitches", besides being a girl I've heard alot worse come out of the mouths of women.
GR3453m0nk3y 4
yeah me too my girfriend one time said exactly, "omg hurry the **** up! I need to piss!!!!!" lol and no she's not really bitchy or anything in fact she's in my account picture ANYWAYS...... i got a little off-track..... lol uhhh shit what am i responding to...??? OH!!!! so yea, girls aren't as quarrelsome as most guys think and yes, quarrelsome IS a word.
GriefBacon 0
So a little girl screams and in less the time it takes you to pull up your pants, security just BUSTS IN like the ******* A-Team? Such lies.
SimpleSimon 0
That was my initial thought... In my workplace, the bathroom doesn't have a sentry on duty ready to break down the door at a moments readiness. I guess it's possible that a guard just happened to be passing at the time, or that the bathroom is located near to the security office. Would have been a better FML if the OP was a guy.
alien_bow 0
Or maybe the OP wasn't...finished, and there was still work to be done.
plexico 4
There wouldn't have been a problem if you managed to get the dump IN the toilet! Work on your aim, lady! For most of us it's a slam dunk, but I guess like on an NBA blooper reel, sometimes it bounces off the rim and flies anywhere.
XOfiestypixie 0
Such genius with your basketball references. =)
Mak10 6
Moderated this one. ;) That must have been rather awkward.
Leafhead 0
Fake. Girls don't poop and everyone knows that.