Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I brought a huge chocolate bar to work, left it in the break room, and came back to find it gone. Later, I saw a coworker with chocolate all over his face and fingers. I asked him if he took it, and he said, in almost offended tone, “What? No, that’s mine.” FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
Today, I took my 6 year-old to work. A normally docile child, she chased me around with her toy - beating me with it while all my colleagues watched - not stopping despite me requesting her to. When she finally lost said toy, she threw a huge tantrum. Guess who's banned from my office. FML
Today, my toddler threw a screaming, rampaging fit, because I ate the last chocolate mousse from the fridge. Did I forget to mention said toddler is actually my 52 year old dad? FML
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Top comments
PaintTheStars 2
The kid loses in the end. With that parenting he isn't going to end out very well. fhl
Bag3l 0
Ydi for not have catching skills of a FIRST rate sports player.
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Comments (82)
Rachel_fml 20
redbluegreen 41
We have some badass three year olds around here.
FFML_314 12
That's because they're the same child. Muahaha. Wouldn't that be funny?
redbluegreen 41
It would be. To my parents dismay, I was exactly like this as a one year old.
JacksonCampbell 9
I love you picture 23!
FFML_314 12
I love her picture too. It's like I know exactly what she's thinking and exactly what she had for breakfast. OK, so I know the last part, because I was peeping in her windows this morning, but STILL!
redbluegreen 41
I will never enjoy toast while in my underwear the same way again.
FYLDeep 26
Should have opened your mouth. It would have been pretty badass if you caught it.
FFML_314 12
That's what he said. Sorry couldn't resist, LOL!
530boy 0
Then you should have a sign at work that says ,"don't feed the animals". YDI for being a hungry animal.
FirstBornUnicorn 0
She probably thought you were fat so she threw that chocolate bar at your face because she knew that if she didn't, you'd end up eating her and her father so she threw it and her father then applauded her for saving both of their lives.
530boy 0
you read my mind dude in speedos.!
FirstBornUnicorn 0
That's because I'm psychic.
redbluegreen 41
I thought you were a unicorn. STOP CHANGING YOUR STORY.
genniangel0 0
coming from an idiot with a unicorn name...
FirstBornUnicorn 0
She's just jealous of my hot bod,
530boy 0
I can tell by the size of that forehead, you probably have a heartbeat sensor in that. lol jk no offense !
Justincolon22 15
that Lil bastard
CLDBL00DED 0
that kid's got some arm. lol :P
shmexi 0
hey moderated this one!! cool?!
at1325 0
it's parenting like this that is ruining our world. parents need to discipline their children. they are not just children, they are future adults. whenever I meet an asshole at work or in public I feel the urge to beat the shit out of their parents for not beating the shit out of their unruly brat as a child.