Miscellaneous: Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4... - FML

By karlajjjjj - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

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Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Who's a good boy?

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By oops

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

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By Brilliant... - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

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By Squid - Canada - Parksville

Today, my older boyfriend and I went shopping together. When we arrived at the till, the cashier looked at me and asked, "Is this your pop?" I replied "No, this is my boyfriend, but we get that a lot." She paused, pointed at the case of Coke in the cart and said again, "Is this your pop?" FML

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By Anna - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 08:08

Sounds like a keeper

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were chatting on MSN. He had to go run down to the corner market but left his webcam on. Shortly after he left I watched his mother steal 60 dollars out of his wallet. He doesn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous

Amazon addict

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

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By oppsiedaisey

Finally!

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML

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By nicetomeetyou2 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

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By talktothefacecausethehandswanking - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

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By heatherjo - United States

Today, my fiancé decided he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

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By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

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By Professor FacePalm - United Kingdom

Today, the police gave me a ticket for obstructing a loading bay as the vehicle "was not parked within the loading bay markings". I couldn't get the vehicle fully into the loading bay because there was a police vehicle in the way. FML

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By tommy - United States

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

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By AnatomyLecture

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML

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By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I confronted my lousy, loud, messy neighbors about the trash they throw in my yard. They responded by throwing my trash in their yard, then called the police to report me for vandalism and illegal dumping when I returned their trash. Guess who has a court appearance in two weeks. FML

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By FullMonty - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

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By The_FN_Gunny - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

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By I'm an adult! - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

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By Indiana - Canada

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

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By unhappystudent - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

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By sadsadteacher - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to tell some of my students to stop eating glue. I teach high school. FML

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By Lexi - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

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By Dan V - United States - Troy

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

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By fanaticalfuckspawn - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

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By moodyreallyrocks - United States

Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

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By lonely girl - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

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By WhyAppleWhy - United States - Sarasota

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

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By fatcat117 - United States

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

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By bystander - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

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Top comments

By snowby2 | 15

#5729299 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:06

Well that must have been embarrassing...

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5729303 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:08

Braking before turning your head might have worked better. Just a thought.

COMMENTS

By snowby2 | 15

#5729299 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:06

Well that must have been embarrassing...

Reply

whos_ur_daddy1 | 19

#5729328 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:15

Hopefully she's didn't break her phone when she fell haha

Reply

Wizardo | 33

#5729410 - Friday 25 October 2013 20:09

Be haply she didn't break her goddamn neck, who gives a shit about a phone compared to a life.

Reply

Borngemini77 | 9

#5729525 - Friday 25 October 2013 22:47

what phone are you talking about? she yelled out her sisters name. not called on a phone.

Reply

SmittyKick | 18

#5729557 - Saturday 26 October 2013 0:10

#14, why??? I think She'd rather her phone break, than bones,

By Welshite | 39

#5729302 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:07

Time to get a unicycle.

Reply

Imhere4fml | 24

#5729335 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:20

If OP had a unicycle, then her only wheel would go in said pothole and she would go flying anyways.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5729343 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:22

*psst* It was a joke. No handlebars or front wheel to worry about.

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5729439 - Friday 25 October 2013 20:31

"I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars, no handlebars".
(:

Reply

OzzMonster | 10

#5729474 - Friday 25 October 2013 21:14

I think this is one of those rare instances where a hovercraft may be slightly more effective than a unicycle.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5729513 - Friday 25 October 2013 22:25

#2, of course, with a unicycle, the stranger would have claimed to be the sister, just in the hopes of having some unicycle-riding coolness rub off on them.

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5729303 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:08

Braking before turning your head might have worked better. Just a thought.

Reply

greeneyebeauty9 | 28

#5729359 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:32

exactly what I had thought. especially since OP wasn't paying attention, they could've ran into someone else.

Reply

kozzard | 17

#5729473 - Friday 25 October 2013 21:12

brake before turning your head, or turn before breaking your head...its your choice

By Grayness_ | 26

#5729308 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:09

Oh man :/ , but was she at least nice enough to stop and see if you were okay ?

By perdix | 29

#5729310 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:09

I'm guessing the stranger felt bad for you. Your sister would have probably laughed her ass off at you!

By jabfinch | 9

#5729313 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:11

These top comments suck.

Reply

jdeezy01 | 13

#5729337 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:20

And your comment was meaningless.

By way2go | 16

#5729314 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:11

Why would you think it's your sister if she lives 4 hours away? If you're on good terms with her (which I'm assuming you are since your aim was to say hi), I'm sure she would tell you if she was in the area.

Reply

\ | 28

#5729430 - Friday 25 October 2013 20:25

That's why I always wear shades... So I can leer at people without getting noticed. :)

Reply

caden_bro | 9

#5729554 - Saturday 26 October 2013 0:02

How is that when relevant?

Reply

Dynosaur_dollie | 38

#5729771 - Saturday 26 October 2013 3:40

I am on really good terms with my family that lives 3 hours away; occasionally I drive up to piss around town and do some shopping, and fail to mention I am in town. Sometimes you just don't feel like visiting people.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#5729316 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:12

Well, I hope you're okay. You have to pay attention.!

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#5729319 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:13

Those damn sneaky potholes. They always appearing at the worst times.

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5729348 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:26

Is there ever a good time for potholes?

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5729441 - Friday 25 October 2013 20:32

When someone you hate rides I to them?

By thatonegirlnic | 10

#5729321 - Friday 25 October 2013 19:13

Good way to make a new friend. Compassion breeds cooperation