Transportation: Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of...

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 394

You deserved it 42 353

Transportation

Dementia or hate? You decide

Compromises

Friend's best friend

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 05:01

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 172

Empathy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 17:00

Today, at a funeral, I'd told my autistic son it would be over at 11:30. By 11:33 he was loudly complaining the funeral should be over, and could we leave because he was bored. I had to drag him out, still loudly complaining about the time, while 50 relatives glared absolute daggers at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 300

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 744

You deserved it 3 252

Is that a pass then?

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 11:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a piano exam, for which I'd worked hard. I went in, and the examiner asked me to play some scales. I was so nervous, I played 3 octaves and then realised I'd ran out of space. I might have then said, "FUCK!" really loudly… and she heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 17:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 680

You deserved it 3 124

By tvaladie - 17/04/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 079

You deserved it 349 671

By gonnabeunemployed - 08/12/2016 21:33

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 005

You deserved it 1 697

By Saduglydad - 12/12/2012 16:05 - United States - Houston

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 797

You deserved it 9 593

By purrtygirl - 09/06/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 102

You deserved it 55 341

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 758

You deserved it 7 767

By whatarethisss - 29/01/2016 16:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 898

You deserved it 1 676

By Anonymous - 19/02/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 318

You deserved it 4 238

By spartanson - 28/04/2011 10:28

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 4 206

He's trying to kill you!

By Mary - 21/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 199

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 292

You deserved it 94 397

Set phasers to stun

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 00:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 150

By Carrie G. - 27/07/2012 00:46 - United States - Holland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 615

You deserved it 2 429

Weird reason, but OK

By hurt - 30/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 270

You deserved it 398

My Humps

By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 222

By lovedoesnotexist - 24/09/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 424

You deserved it 1 951

By guyshithappensto - 22/05/2010 02:41 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 099

You deserved it 41 656

By GeeLoftus - 31/01/2016 19:32 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 213

You deserved it 4 765

By extants - 11/02/2010 20:13 - United States

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 311

You deserved it 3 631

Cursed

By IHaveATypeAparently - 25/07/2021 06:01

Today, I found out one of my exes is trans. I’m very happy for her, but I’m starting to think I have the wrong type, as I have had 3 ex-boyfriends come out as gay and 3 come out at trans right after breaking up. I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t have a secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 144

By MouseChaser - 26/11/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 945

You deserved it 28 242

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - 06/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 7 699

By icanthearyou - 04/04/2013 23:55 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 989

You deserved it 4 004

I'm just saying…

By dirty boy - 05/07/2021 11:00

Today, what started as an amazing day with hiking, a picnic, more hiking, then a romantic nature walk, ended in a ridiculous screaming match between me and my boyfriend. I only asked him to shower before laying in our bed when we got home, since we were covered in sweat, bug bites and dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 100

By collball22 - 22/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 5 398

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 967

You deserved it 4 166

By Never Work With Animals or Children - 26/05/2012 11:06 - United States - Van Nuys

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 146

You deserved it 2 607

Gangsta

By Wolf - 07/11/2018 15:30

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 065

You deserved it 138

By sashimi9999 - 07/02/2014 01:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 187

You deserved it 5 865

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 11:00 - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 325

You deserved it 3 886

By Sal - 05/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 286

You deserved it 2 478

By YoushouldsaythattoHER - 12/09/2018 22:00

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty". Not getting such compliments every day, I felt extremely flattered... Until he started to explain in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 760

You deserved it 171

Take the hint

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 199

Advent calendar time!

By firemansam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 522

You deserved it 29 684

By Dogless - 21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 487

You deserved it 2 599

By Jackie - 18/09/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I finally told my fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't "pure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 577

You deserved it 4 875

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Top comments

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:25

You exited the badass way. Who needs doors?

redbluegreen 40

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:33

Are you meaning to say that isn't the normal way to get in and out of a car? Man... Life just doesn't feel the same anymore.

UrbanAdaption 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:03

look at your thumb,gee ur dumb!

xelao 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:06

olpolol. blondes. gotta love em

ZleveL 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:08

CALIFORNIA... blondes. you gotta fuck 'em.

tooGee24 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:34

lmao wow!! guess u can't get any dumber than that, can u up? haha

tooGee24 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:35

*op

Jonkbaby 21

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:37

I hereby drop all YDI charges since it was for a good deed

rciccone 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 10:43

YEA YOU ARE SO D.U.M DUMB ( so dumn u dont deserve the B! ) hahaha

FFML_314 11

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Monday 13 September 2010 11:11

The 'n' is not necessary. They didn't deserve that!

Eyou 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 13:10

thats dumb i dunno how this got publoshed.. not a fml..

Eyou 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 13:30

published*

catsareahmazing 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 13:49

Is she a virgin?

fatvader64 5

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Monday 13 September 2010 19:32

I honestly would have done the same thing

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:09

well in Katy Perry's "California Gurls" song it never said anything about them being smart. YDI for not thinking "oh look I'm in a car here's the door that I should use to get out."

you_failed 15

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 5:52

hahaha this comment actually made me "LOL" xD

franniedottp 8

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Thursday 16 September 2010 6:40

You guys, shut up. Not all Californians are dumb. I'm in eighth grade and I'm starting AP Mandarin and AP English tomorrow. So, stop your fingers from tapping on the keyboard if it's a crude, unimportant opinion.

franniedottp 8

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Thursday 16 September 2010 6:40

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 21 September 2010 1:18

book smart =/= common sense thanks for proving another point Californian .

samiboy9 0

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Monday 27 September 2010 6:17

it's true guys this person sounds serios and mentaly dimented and a tiny bit crazy and can't take a joke

toqwert 0

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Sunday 4 September 2011 23:09

You should just have taken the car.

armantihernandez 8

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Monday 22 September 2014 7:05

Says the person who smokes YDI

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Wednesday 2 December 2015 6:42

This whole thread gives me cancer.

guiltypleasure12 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:04

totally deserved it

AshCrash_xo 0

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Sunday 17 June 2012 21:40

There's a button for that.

vix9002 15

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Tuesday 21 June 2016 21:45

NAWWWWW

DaphneLovesDerby 2

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:06

lol dumbass! but fyl.

ZleveL 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:06

so to sum it up, you are an idiot.

PYLrulz 17

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:07

dumbass!

Mclovin_95 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:11

oh haha dumass! :P

FFML_314 11

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:18

And now they are all buried in the backyard.

munny_fml 7

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Monday 13 September 2010 9:24

god ur an idiot! LOL do u have blonde hair by any chance? hahahahaha

dinorawr1107 4

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 6:06

THAT IS OFFENSIVE YOU Bitch!!! lol nonono jkjk im a blond and i find those jokes quite humorous. lol but your not a bitch :)

kritz0 10

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 7:12

not all blondes a stupid

BelleBelle_fml 11

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:59

You're the kind of blonde that gives the rest of us intelligent blondes a bad name and a reason to stereotype us. I'm a natural blonde and my IQ in HS was higher than my teacher's, I made honour roll every quarter, was inducted into the National Honour Society, and graduated with a GPA of 4.0. I'm currently an LVN and working my way up to NP. So not all blondes are stupid. Yhank you and good day.