By katiebell

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1346

You deserved it

211

Favorite

There's no helping some people

BO Central

Triage

By ShaunBomb - United States

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34637

You deserved it

3116

Favorite

By whymomwhy - United States - Salem

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27264

You deserved it

2866

Favorite

By badluckryan - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24432

You deserved it

2928

Favorite

By clip_kate

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14108

You deserved it

1361

Favorite

By Notgoodenough - 11/3/2021 23:01

No Future

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who lived in Tennessee, moved to Georgia to be with his long-distance girlfriend. I live in Georgia too, and last year he broke up with me after two years together because he “didn’t see a future in Georgia” to be with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

987

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By fxck - South Africa - Durban

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26113

You deserved it

4930

Favorite

By nicolette5785452 - United States

Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53723

You deserved it

13309

Favorite

By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58105

You deserved it

7576

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1867

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Soundofaboner - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76268

You deserved it

10076

Favorite

By Depression... - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35007

You deserved it

9072

Favorite

By ToxicSiren - 6/2/2021 14:01

Judge and jury

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

714

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24387

You deserved it

2887

Favorite

By fuck you, mum - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40535

You deserved it

4148

Favorite

By ms98 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44652

You deserved it

3659

Favorite

By What-_-

Today, my roommates keep opening my bedroom door to "let the WiFi out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4377

You deserved it

532

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 08:01

Cujo, but for cats

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

498

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By Mutton - 8/3/2021 17:01

Too passionate for me

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

I agree, your life sucks

1135

You deserved it

Favorite

By "Kymberly Hams" - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1918

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By ManagerWithoutRespect - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, one of my co-workers threw a piece of garbage at the waste bin beside me. When it missed, he said, "Aw, I missed the garbage... and the bin beside it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8844

You deserved it

855

Favorite

By wideawakeandinpain - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31950

You deserved it

3109

Favorite

By musicaddict - United States

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77224

You deserved it

24151

Favorite

By not outdoorsy - 10/7/2020 14:02

The call of the wild

Today, I haven’t been camping since I was a kid. I decided to give it another shot. I bought all the best equipment, researched all the great locations, planned a whole weekend. Turns out I still fucking hate camping and now I’m out over $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks

537

You deserved it

2045

Favorite

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7304

You deserved it

537

Favorite

By Nawel - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Yummy

Today, I helped myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I didn't like it much so I discreetly attempted to give it to the girl next to me. I asked her, "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replied, "Thanks, I made it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11196

You deserved it

35926

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34585

You deserved it

3593

Favorite

By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58786

You deserved it

15718

Favorite

By Tee - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29964

You deserved it

5396

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52872

You deserved it

4344

Favorite

By cloudish - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4971

You deserved it

591

Favorite

By BMike - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38476

You deserved it

2958

Favorite

By Red

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34610

You deserved it

14962

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7483

You deserved it

655

Favorite

By No.Life. - United States

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16505

You deserved it

32496

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 23:02

Which part of pandemic don't you understand?

Today, after quarantining for 2 weeks so I could spend Christmas with my parents, they went over to see a COVID hoaxer/Trump-supporting neighbor, and spent an hour inside with him, without wearing masks. I'm a nurse, working with cancer patients. They don't understand why I'm upset, and are angry that I'm leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1214

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By I'm a pussy, yeah yeah - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20889

You deserved it

9946

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32115

You deserved it

4166

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12023

You deserved it

75733

Favorite

By Seriously? - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50280

You deserved it

3511

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67002

You deserved it

4684

Favorite

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Top comments

By JackWood | 10

#7848507 - Friday 4 October 2019 12:52

Without pictures we can't tell if you deserve it or not.

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7848505 - Friday 4 October 2019 12:40

tell him to pay upfront and do a runner with the money

COMMENTS

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7848505 - Friday 4 October 2019 12:40

tell him to pay upfront and do a runner with the money

By JackWood | 10

#7848507 - Friday 4 October 2019 12:52

Without pictures we can't tell if you deserve it or not.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7848562 - Friday 4 October 2019 16:58

Say a million dollars and move on.

Be honest -- if he handed you a briefcase full of hundreds, you'd fuck him.