By Anonymous - 20/4/2021 08:00

Too good to be true

Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

902

You deserved it

88

Tweet

Share

Whatthefuckaburger

Long story short

Projection

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47418

You deserved it

2873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

866

You deserved it

1625

Tweet

Share

By lex - United States

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29960

You deserved it

12245

Tweet

Share

By shortarse - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4092

You deserved it

707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27390

You deserved it

3365

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33185

You deserved it

3438

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46465

You deserved it

6920

Tweet

Share

By babydoll - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34936

You deserved it

8328

Tweet

Share

By wallet? GONE - United States - Pueblo

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48607

You deserved it

3802

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1514

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Clubbing

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30587

You deserved it

3201

Tweet

Share

By oh well - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33709

You deserved it

8366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tualatin

Today, I completed my two-month internship, where I have been working as hard as I could with the hope of being hired. My boss couldn't remember my name, and declined to be a reference. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20559

You deserved it

1419

Tweet

Share

By amber - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30647

You deserved it

4753

Tweet

Share

By kaylashay2k13 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12942

You deserved it

1089

Tweet

Share

By cole - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21342

You deserved it

61394

Tweet

Share

By JerryClark - United States - San Bernardino

So beautiful!

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2767

You deserved it

504

Tweet

Share

By random - United Kingdom

Comforter

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35445

You deserved it

5380

Tweet

Share

By

Beautiful car

Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2077

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By Diffy - United States - Woburn

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31231

You deserved it

2156

Tweet

Share

By IMAWAKE - United States - Romulus

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39098

You deserved it

3828

Tweet

Share

By screwedupkid

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23456

You deserved it

4913

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 23:00

British Broadcasting Corporation

Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

513

You deserved it

3007

Tweet

Share

By MY CAR - United States

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24824

You deserved it

11087

Tweet

Share

By NoSexForMe - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67542

You deserved it

8607

Tweet

Share

By Phoellie - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67843

You deserved it

5179

Tweet

Share

By SoGoodAtLife - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19257

You deserved it

6583

Tweet

Share

By nitroman64 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15847

You deserved it

28207

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17110

You deserved it

41612

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31146

You deserved it

3462

Tweet

Share

By liLbob6598 - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47886

You deserved it

2627

Tweet

Share

By Hotdogwater

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5586

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By ohdear. - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41883

You deserved it

4726

Tweet

Share

By HelpMe - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53844

You deserved it

3825

Tweet

Share

By weirdo - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26211

You deserved it

5008

Tweet

Share

By Eganstein - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26848

You deserved it

2691

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27290

You deserved it

6183

Tweet

Share

By JesusLaidAnEgg

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1510

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By PissNTra - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42822

You deserved it

5247

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32092

You deserved it

9999

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lukey101 | 21

#7987741 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 9:29

Look it has its perks: only two sleeps till Christmas 🤣

By bleachedraven | 12

#7987746 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 9:40

To me, single means waiting for the right one...not desperate for random bus stop person 🤣

COMMENTS

By kfchicken_fml | 31

#7987732 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 8:38

a lot of us are single its not that bad or unusual.

Reply

bleachedraven | 12

#7987746 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 9:40

To me, single means waiting for the right one...not desperate for random bus stop person 🤣

Reply

Marcella1016 | 31

#7987827 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 15:51

“Random bus stop person”

Hey everyone has a type 😂😂

By lukey101 | 21

#7987741 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 9:29

Look it has its perks: only two sleeps till Christmas 🤣

Reply

bleachedraven | 12

#7987745 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 9:39

Terrible but I had to laugh! 🤣

By bleachedraven | 12

#7987747 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 9:42

How do you "tweak away"🤣

By Plop | 12

#7987824 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 15:37

So he has a regular job as a "salesman" for his own "pharmaceutical start-up" and a steady income stream. What a catch!